Mr. Colbert Went to Washington...plus bonus Hillary-larity!

Call me blasé, but I don't get what got America in such a shütfüt over Stephen Colbert's W.-whacking speech last week. I mean, sure, it was funny -- I'm a sucker for Justice Scalia humor -- but mind-blowing? Infuriating? Culture-dominating? Really? The show's on nightly, folks.

Put it this way: If your invitation to the 2006 correspondents' dinner notes that that the appetizer is fois de gras and the closing speaker is Colbert, isn't it fair to assume that the evening could mayhaps involve (a) the deliciously engorged liver of a tortured bird and (b) some feisty ribbing at the president's expense?

And you people call yourselves the press? Mitch Albom could've covered this thing weeks ago, obvs¹.

All you needed to know:

1. The correspondents' dinner is an event held annually to provide (a) an extravagant meal for wealthy, famous people, on the taxpayers' dime, and (2) an opportunity for politicians and members of the media to make fun of one another, also on the taxpayers' dime. That's the whole point. And if you didn't know that, don't worry, you've already been billed.
2. The Bush camp has been pumping out ripe comedy material at an unprecendented rate for more than five years -- its crowning achievement in Kafkaesque hilarity having come mere months ago when, amidst burgeoning criticism of the administration's dangerously aggressive agenda, the Vice President shot an old man in the face.
   
3. Colbert is a comedian who amassed a following by flogging the bejeezus out of taboos (see: Strangers with Candy)...and, oh yeah, he's also the host of a popular daily comedy show based entirely around biting satire of Bush and the right.

1 + 2 + 3 = ? Do the math, people (answer: six). You don't invite Colbert to speak at the White House and then expect him to play nice. That'd be like asking Larry the Cable Guy to speak at an NAACP convention and then expecting him not to be a shitty comedian whose movie sucked.

It's like the old saying goes, you can take the girl out of the honky tonk, but you can't take the Bush jokes out of the guy who makes millions of dollars on Bush jokes. Maybe Karl Rove really is distracted². I mean, it doesn't take a genius to figure this stuff out...

...or...does it...?³

In any event, Colbert's performance is certainly worth tracking down, if you haven't already. But recommended even more highly is The Colbert Report itself (Mon.-Thu., 11:30pm, Comedy Central). The Report's humor is much sharper and more layered than the speech's hit-or-miss (mostly hit) one-liners.

Other notes:

• "Balls-alicious." -- Jon Stewart on Colbert's performance. He also describes the press dinner as "where the President and the press corps consummate their loveless marriage."
• Much, much more shocking than Stephen Colbert being funny: HILLARY CLINTON BEING HILARIOUS kind of amusing. Presented by Clinton at a state dinner this weekend, this Colbert-esque clip also features an appearance by Mayor Mike Bloomburg, who boldly crosses party lines to endorse the Democratic Senator...trades compliments with his fellow centrist...implies that he carries $200 million in his wallet. [NYDN, via Gothamist⁴]
• RELATED: Al Gore's Clinton complex: Have I mentioned I should be president right now? Dream Democratic primary: Gore/Kerry vs. Clinton/Dukakis. Did I say dream? I meant "night terror." Hurray for beating the Republicans by default! [WSJ, via Wonk]
  
• David Blaine is going to die on live television! Right now (ABC)!!! DON'T MISS IT!!!!!

¹: New York state blogging laws require regularly slang-checking Detroit resident Mark Graham.
²: By his future as a pretty boy in federal prison, obvs.
³: Just to be safe, you better read my blog daily. And buy all of my products.
⁴: Also shocking: Gothamist's Jen Chung posting two noteworthy entries in one 24-hour period.