Q: How do I ensure that my son becomes gay?

A: Give birth to 14 straight boys first. The next son is GUARANTEED to be 118% gay.

But you don't have to take my word for it! Check out this newly published Canadian study linking gayness to birth order.

From the LA Times:

In an analysis of 905 men and their siblings, Canadian psychologist Anthony Bogaert found no evidence that social interactions among family members played a role in determining whether a man was gay or straight.

The only significant factor was the number of times a mother had previously given birth to boys, according to the report in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

The so-called fraternal birth order effect is small: Each older brother increases the chances by 33%. Assuming the base rate of homosexuality among men is 2%, it would take 11 older brothers to give the next son about a 50-50 chance of being gay.

The Times inexplicably neglects to point out that the 13th, 14th and 15th sons will have 67%, 88% and 118% chances of being gay, respectively. On a related note, your 16th son will have a 75% chance of being Bruce Vilanch.