Q: Are Americans total idiots?

The United States of Retardica

A: Just kidding, by the way, the answer won't surprise you at all.

You might say that Americans are "dumb as rocks." You might even say we are "as dumb as the moon rocks that we can't find our footage of."

I prefer to say, though, we are exactly as dumb as the approx. 250 surveys conducted annually to prove how dumb we are.

Current Events Dwarfed by Pop Culture [Reuters]

NEW YORK - Three quarters of Americans can correctly identify two of Snow White's seven dwarfs while only a quarter can name two Supreme Court Justices, according to a poll on pop culture released on Monday.

Let's see. I can think of Sleepy... Grumpy... and Dopey... but I can't name any of the seven dwarves¹.

Actually, even though Reuters has run a version of this story a kajillion times (Americans are too dumb to remember what we read last week), this one does strike me as a little different. Usually, these surveys are meant to show how we know way more about fictional characters than we do about politics, geography, news, or the outside world -- except this time around, we kind of blew the fictional part, too.

According to the poll by Zogby International, commissioned by the makers of a new online game on pop culture called "Gold Rush," 57 percent of Americans could identify J.K. Rowling's fictional boy wizard as Harry Potter, while only 50 percent could name the British prime minister, Tony Blair.

Okay, too be fair, not even British people care about Tony Blair anymore. He's just that dude who buys the President a sweater now and then.

But 43% of people can't identify Harry Potter? Harry freaking Potter, people?! His big dumb scar is everywhere! It is impossible to go outside without being bombarded by Hogwarts merchandise! Jesus. I know we're mostly illiterate and all that, but are we also blind, deaf, and living in a coal mine?

On a brighter note, the American public almost redeems itself by being 77% ignorant of Taylor Hicks. It's something to build on!

¹Oh snap.