Q: Why are you staring at Lindsay Lohan's ass?

A: You're probably just reading her ass tattoo.

If you like what you see, you'll be pleased to know that you can soon get an identical one (tattoo, not ass) for yourself now that Lindsay Lohan is opening her own tattoo parlor, probably in either Los Angeles or Baghdad. Which means there will soon be a whole new way to get Hepatitis from Lindsay Lohan.

As you can see from my amazing Photoshop work, Lohan's adorable tramp stamp reads "la bella vita."

Originally, I assumed this was from the Italian for "la hot ass." I recently learned, however, that Lohan is using a lesser-known translation of "la bella vita," which in ancient Sanskrit means "If you can read this, it probably means I'm on my way to go fuck another dude, and you'll never see me again, adios douchebag."

Few people realize this, but then few people realize that the douchebag was invented in 496 B.C.