Q: Why does MySpace suck so bad?

MySpace's Tom: Ordered the Big Gulp.

A: Because Tom was drunk on rubbing alcohol when he designed it.

It's too hot to waste time explaining why, specifically, MySpace sucks, but try using the "Search" function right now. It will lead you into a spiral of disillusionment.

Which basically means that, until the feature gets fixed (over/under: seven weeks), you won't be able to find anyone. It's like a metaphor for the failure of human hearts to connect, but manifest in a web site designed by a man drunk on rubbing alcohol.

UPDATE: When I posted this earlier today, I hadn't even noticed that my gorgeous, handcrafted MySpace profile had been obliterated over the weekend.

I hate you, Tom. I hate you with all the the bile in my spleen. If I've said it once, I've said it three times. And now I'm going to hunt you down and beat you to death with a True.com girl's cleavage.