Q: Why was "Snakes on a Plane" a box-office disappointment?

A: Because unemployed bloggers can't afford to go to the movies. Duh.

Also, though, because no one cares what people say on the Internet. Even Ned Lamont sounds like a viable candidate, if you're chatting with him over IM.

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SPEAKING OF WHICH: Time.com Washington bureau editor Ana Marie Cox recently reminded me why she is the most viable candidate for my future wife when she described Lamont as "a skinny billionaire whose talking points consist of being anti-war and not Joe Lieberman."

That's the most apt description of Lamont I've read. Seriously, that pretty boy is the most overrated Democrat since John Edwards. Of course, no one notices these things until 10pm on Election Day.

Cox, it should be noted, is among the guest bloggers filling in for my future gay neighbor, Andrew Sullivan, who's on vacation.

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CORRECTION: I'd earlier suggested that Maria Menounos was the leading candidate in the race to become my wife. This was before anyone told me that she's the host of Access Hollywood.

Obviously, I can't marry Menounos now, although she should nonetheless be considered the leading candidate to become my mistress.

All I'd known about Menounos before was that she was Greek, and that she looked like a great wife in her Google image search. Which again goes to show that the Internet is a lying whore.

PREVIOUSLY: The race to become my wife | S.o.a.P. 2: Planes in a Snake