Q: How is Osama bin Laden celebrating Abundance of John Green Day?

A: With sinister laughter and American television.

Or at least, so says Ed Cuevo of Mohegan Lake, NY, who emailed CNN recently to settle the debate between Democrats and Republicans over the failure to prevent 9/11. Cuevo writes:

It doesn't really matter anymore who did what or didn't. As we wrangle about the issue repeatedly, bin Laden is out there watching American television treating his Typhoid w/ laughter, the best medicine.

Osama: Addicted to Laguna Beach.

Good point, Ed. Why are we wasting time debating national security? We should be on the hunt for Osama -- who not only ordered the attacks of September 11th, but is now callously stealing cable TV (which COSTS ALL OF US)!!!

My suggestion is we simply snoop around the local Radio Shacks in the mountainous region of South Waziristan to see if anyone recently purchased 20,000 ft. of coaxial cable. Keep in mind that Radio Shack records the ZIP codes of all its customers. If that doesn't lead us directly into the heart of Al Qaeda, nothing will.

I do, however, have to make one small correction to Mr. Cuevo's email. He suggests that laughter is the best medicine for Typhoid; recent studies indicate, however, the best medicine for Typhoid is actually Typhoid medicine.

The best medicine for the black plague, however, remains laughter. So for anyone out there who has the black plague, take two of these uproarious John Green novels and call me in the morning.