Q: Oh, Terrell Owens, what WON'T you do for a front-page headline?

A: Trick question: There is nothing Terrell Owens won't do for a front-page headline.

T.O. puts the 'press' in depression.

Including try to kill himself. Or pretend to try to kill himself. Or be so hopped up on pills that he thought he was trying to kill himself, when he actually wasn't. Or vice versa. Or something.

In any event, it's all just another reason for Owens to hold another press conference or two. Or twelve.

The recently injured Dallas Cowboys receiver -- whose impressive NFL resume boasts 102 touchdowns, 10K+ yards receiving, many, many millions of dollars, and over 400,000 absurd headlines -- was hospitalized this morning after his publicist called the cops on him, although why she did so is not entirely clear. From the Associated Press report:

Owens' publicist, Kim Etheredge, said she was at Owens' home when he took pain medicine for his broken right hand. Concerned by how he began acting, Etheredge said in various interviews today with Dallas-area media that she called 911. Owens was taken to a hospital, with Etheredge saying it was an allergic reaction to the medicine.

An allergic reaction? I'm not buying it, and I'll tell you why: If Terrell Owens' own publicist -- that is to say, the person paid to endure and interpret Owens' strange behavior --becomes "concerned" by how he's acting, suffice to say we're talking about a level of strangeness beyond just breaking out in hives. We're talking dressed-as-Zsa-Zsa-Gabor, decapitating-kittens, flinging-Molotov-cocktails-at-random-passersby strange.

[UPDATE: Deadspin attempts clarification.]

Former pro/medical expert Deion Sanders offers this assessment: "It was a case that medication that was taken wasn't accepted well in his system with the other vitamins he's on." Yeah, you have to be careful with those vitamins. One time I accidentally mixed a Centrum Silver with a Flintstones Kids' Bam-Bam and I was tripping balls for three days.

In any event, ESPN is on-hand to provide several million words of coverage of the breaking story -- including this reaction/psychological profile from Dan Le Batard, who hosts a weekly radio show with T.O.:

I believe Terrell Owens...Maybe that makes me very naive. Or maybe it makes me fair. Maybe it makes me a stupid player apologist. Or maybe it makes me nonjudgmental about the way I cover sports. Either way, we're all a little clouded when it comes to T.O. and his behavior, so I guess it just took too many pills to make him more like the rest of us.

BREAKING NEWS: Sports broadcasters' brains function as though on constant overdose of Valium. This explains everything!!!