Q: What's the 411?
A: The 411 is no longer 411, unless you just enjoy making donations to your phone company.
Next time you need directory assistance, try 1-800-FREE-411. You'll save yourself a couple bucks or more, which you can then lose gambling. Meanwhile, the CEO of Verizon will have to wait an extra few days before installing that fourth jacuzzi. Hurray!
I just tested the service for the first time. Very handy. Two small complaints, People Who Run 1-800-Free-411: (1) Don't waste nine precious seconds explaining to me how to use 411, for the love of God. I'm a busy man, in theory. (2) Your voice recognition system could use a bit of tweaking (although they have operators on hand if the robot woman fails to understand a single goddamn word, as it did for me).
And if you're wondering how they can afford to run a service that charges you zero dollars: Good question, and I have no idea. Supposedly there are ads involved, but I didn't hear any.
UPDATE: They added ads now, and they are truly horrible. No, you idiots, I don't want to order flowers, I just want to call the fricking grocery store!!! So much for this nugget of consumer advice.
Anyway, life is full of strange little mysteries. For instance, why is it that I've been calling 1-800-555-TELL to get live sports scores and extensive recaps for four years, and yet I've never (a) met anyone else who knows what it is, (b) seen it advertised or even referenced anywhere, nor (c) figured out why they run a service with zero revenue and an audience of one? Maybe they just love me. And really, WHO CAN BLAME THEM???
UPDATE #2: What the hell? After four glorious years of freedom, they added ads to 800-555-TELL, too. When will I learn to keep my big, stupid mouth shut? (To be fair, the "Tell Me" ads are considerably shorter and less rage-inducing.)
2 comments:
Well, imagine if they didn't waste 9 precious seconds explaining how it works. Geniuses that you and I are, we'd be fine. The rest of the population might start screaming into their phones, "Hey, how does this thing work?"
Scream clearly enough -- or better yet, *speak* as calmly and clearly as I do, in a mellifluous baritone -- and the voice recognition system has no problem.
And I don't think it's kosher to complain about the very short ads when it's the ads that make the whole experience free. I, for one, can't complain about not being charged a buck-fifty for something that was (and then wasn't and now is again) free.
Thanks, anonymous commenter. The cynic in me notices that you're in San Leandro, CA -- suspiciously close to the Free411 company headquarters. But I'm willing to ignore that little detail, since you just called me a genius.
The only problem with your advice, re: voice recognition, is that I'm most likely to use the service while I'm driving or in public. No matter how calmly or clearly I speak -- and no matter how mellifluous my baritone -- there's going to be some background noise.
In fairness to the service, I've had better results on subsequent attempts to use 1-800-FREE411. But I still think it could use some improving. While I was in Chicago this weekend, someone mentioned the service to me, and brought up the same complaint (without having read this post).
As for whether it's kosher to complain about the ads -- I think it's kosher to bitch about anything I want, on my own stupid blog. That's why God invented blogs.
I still think the ads are too long, and I would prefer to hear one of them, rather than two (again, I'm a theoretically busy man, and even three minutes is too much for a call to 411).
But I have continued to use the service. And so I do recommend it, albeit with the above minor caveats.
(Oh, one other complaint: When you ask for the number of a chain store with many locations -- e.g., a pharmacy -- the system doesn't give you an option to specify by address or location. And it's still got some bugs, as the computer claims to be able to find only two or three locations before eventually giving you to an operator.)
Post a Comment