Q: Why is Chief Wahoo smiling wider than ever?
A: Because ownership of the Hard Rock Cafe has been transferred to American hands -- Native American hands -- as Britain's Rank Group announced today it will sell the international restaurant & casino chain to the Seminole tribe of Florida in a deal worth nearly a billion dollars.
The deal apparently doesn't include the hugely valuable Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas, which Cafe co-founder Peter Morton sold earlier this year to Morgans Hotel Group for $770 million (the land occupied by the hotel's pool is valued at $50 million alone, says Wikipedia). That package also included exclusive rights to the Hard Rock Hotel brand in the western half of the US.
In any event, one London analyst called the price of the Seminole deal "slightly disappointing." T.A.M.S.Y. knows nothing about the value of such things, but we hope that analyst is correct, because we're always supportive of Indians finding new ways to rape back the colonists.
We're not sure what to think, though, of the rumored changes the Seminoles plan to institute in Hard Rock Cafes worldwide...
FLORIDA SEMINOLES' HARD ROCK CAFES
- Overpriced beverages now referred to as "Seminole fluids."
- Line chefs getting high on break now required to smoke from peace pipe.
- Crazy Horse to receive lifetime supply of curly fries with purchase of full-price meal; Neil Young still required to pay for curly fries.
- Ticket booths outside of all Hard Rock Live! events now uniformly considered scalpers.
- Axl Rose's feathered hair now to contain actual feathers.
- Caucasians explicitly banned.
- Appetizers, entrees no longer designed to taste like shit.
- Reservations required.
For what it's worth, that album is totally excellent. I've already made a spot for it near the top of my forthcoming best of 2006 list.
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