Q: How tall is Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad?

A: Five foot four¹! Who knew? Well, probably a lot of people knew, but I just found out.

How did I find out, you ask? The answer... MAY SURPRISE YOU.

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D.C. blog Wonkette is reporting that Israeli newspaper Haaretz is reporting that Iranian pro-gov't news agencies are reporting² Iranian Revolutionary Guard top dog Nur Ali Shushkari's claims that a sneaky submarine commando unit etched the military force's logo (see: right) onto the side of an American warship stationed in the Persian Gulf.

Those. Bastards. Skateboarding may not be a crime (or so I hear), but graffiti? Now that's just taking it too far. How dare they risk their lives and their submarine for such a rude prank!

It's infuriating! It's hackles-raising! It's... a really weird plan that I don't understand even a little! Which is extra infuriating! And the worst part is, we just had that warship washed!

(By the way, what kind of national guard calls itself "Revolutionary"? Isn't the point of a national guard to crush down revolutionaries? And smack around hippies? I'm so confused, I need another nap.)

Anyway. For some reason, no one seems to be reporting what the Revolutionary Guard painted on the other side of the warship. I warn you, before you look down one quarter of an inch, it is very unsettling.


I would respond, but my hackles can't even reach that high.

EARLIER: How tall is Nancy Pelosi?

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¹ As reported by Brian Williams, or his producer or somebody who had a tape measure or whatever.
² Iranian pro-gov't news agencies not available via Google News. I mean, probably not, anyway. It's not like I checked or anything.