Q: Why is Marcel Duchamp rolling dans sa tombe?

A: Because heaven recently installed wireless Internet¹ — allowing M. Duchamp to visit the Official Online Guide to his onetime 'hood, Greenwich Village.

Duchamp's epitaph translates to "Anyway, it's always other people that die." By which he means, "Why is my tomb so fricking crowded?"

"For over 100 years," the site reads, "this small area below 14th Street and west of Broadway has been a Mecca to the creative, rebellious and Bohemian. Although today no starving artists could afford to live here," SO DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT YOU GODDAMN BEATNIKS, "the vibe still lingers and the beat goes on!" And by "vibe," they mean "odor," and by "the beat," they mean the Blue Man Group hitting things with sticks.

T.A.M.S.Y. SAYS: Kind of dickish to flaunt your preposterous rents right there on the front page, the Village. Your site is already an affront to artists. You don't have to rub it in.

On the bright side, the Village is still rat-infested, which is sort of like being bohemian.

RELATED: The cover of The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan was photographed in the Village. This was back when Dylan actually lived there, and before freewheelin' was banned.

EARLIER: Big gay riot | Why is Disney rolling in his fridge?

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¹ Hell got wireless like five years ago, but only because Circle #2 loves them some porn. L'Enfer, c'est les O.P.P.!