Q: Now that it's been disproven, can we agree to stop talking about evolution?
A: Those of you worried about the American education system can breathe a huge sigh of relief this morning, thanks to some heartwarming news out of South Carolina. Of course, President Bush already fixed the public schools—but it turns out private institutions have their own special way of ensuring that no child be Left Behind.
The results are in from Pawleys Island Christian Academy's prestigious science fair, and the winner in one category... may surprise you. Under the tutelage of teacher Judy Doerr, PICA's preteens are taking science to new heights! By which I mean, they're finally destroying it.
I almost missed this story, but luckily, the Georgetown Times matched it with a real barn-burner of a headline:
Christian Academy Science Fair winners named.OH MY GOD. Nearly two hundred years of scientists' lies and several decades of ill-begotten curriculum, refuted in two hours by a 13-year-old with table seasoning and a roll of Bounty! Finally!!! Inherit THAT wind, Charles Darwin—YOU FRAUDULENT WHORE!
Judy Doerr, the science teacher for middle school students at Pawleys Island Christian Academy (PICA), says she is very pleased with this year's science fair projects. "This is the third year we have held the science fair at PICA and I am excited about the variety of projects the students have created," Doerr said.
Brian Benson, an eighth-grade student who won first place in the Life Science/Biology category for his project "Creationism Is the Winner!", says he disproved part of the theory of evolution. Using a rolled-up paper towel suspended between two glasses of water with Epsom Salts, the paper towel formed stalactites. He states that the theory that they take millions of years to develop is incorrect.
"Scientists say it takes millions of years to form stalactites," Benson said. "However, in only a couple of hours, I have formed stalactites just by using paper towel and Epsom Salts."
Yes, after Mr. Benson's discovery, not even Richard Dawkins could claim creationism isn't the winner. The results are obviously irrefutable. I mean, it won the science fair, for God's sake. Plus, these findings strike deep into, and also detonate, the very core of Darwin's theories. Knowing what we know now, evolution simply makes no sense. Consider, for instance, this excerpt from Darwin's 1859 book On the Origin of Species
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So much for that little house of cards!
Man, all the sudden I feel like such an uneducated jerkwad. When I was in grade school, my top scientific achievement was proving that volcanoes erupt when God pours vinegar into the baking soda.
Nonetheless, it's refreshing to find that schools are
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4 comments:
I love your photoshop caption. It pretty much says it all.
I heard last year's winner proved the inerrancy of the Bible with vinegar and baking soda.
Wow. At first I thought this was all just a joke because I cannot believe that someone would praise this kid for talking about a topic he obviously has no clue about.
1) the stalactites that form over millions of years are gigantic formations of mineral deposits usually found in above groud and underwater caves. The stalactites he stimulated were salt deposits a centimeter or two long that formed as the water holding the dissolved salt cooled. Its called a precipitate and can be done with salt or sugar or borax soap etc.
2) stalactites have absolutely nothing to do with Charles Darwin's idea of natural selection among ANIMALS AND LIVING CREATURES. i.e. not rocks.
Again I just can't believe that educated teachers are promoting such lies. Science is about understanding the natural world not patting kids on the back for formulating inaccurate correlations between two completely unrelated topics.
LOLOL, it's really just funny more than anything else. One can really See the thought process that's keeping religion alive, and see it in action: Believing what you're told without question, and accepting ANYTHING that could POSSIBLY bolster the God Hypothesis with no logical thought applied to it whatsoever.
A 13-year-old in a Religious School, with a Religious Teacher, makes a science project that bears absolutely no relevance to Evolution, and then tries to correlate the two, saying that this disproves the ONLY realistic potential explanation of life on Earth. And the Punchline is that the Teachers, GROWN ADULTS, are so blinded by their "Faith", and desperately seeking justification for what they know in their heart is wrong, that they actually believe this kid and endorse what he's done as True and Accurate Science.
Did it not occur to ANYONE INVOLVED that a 13 year old Child disproving what is commonly regarded as The Answer is just this side of Completely Nutty? NO ONE, from the teacher, to the parents, to the principal, to the science department, to the judges, to the media who wrote the article, to the "Surprisinger" rubbed two of their OWN brain cells together and thought "Hey, it's a bit far-fetched to think that this Kid has, in a local science fair, debunked The Theory of Evolution. Religious Apologists are so incredibly desperate to silence Darwin that they'll grab hold of ANYTHING that could POSSIBLY put up an argument and then tout is as a Revelation and a Breakthrough.
The End Of God is coming. It might be a while, but the wheels are turning. Every myth that religion has put forward, science has firmly and unassumingly thrown out. It's not about aggression, or confrontation, or hating religion: It's about Finding The Truth. If there is ever CONCLUSIVE EVIDENCE that the God Theory holds any water whatsoever, then science will recalculate; not in an effort to Debunk god, but to understand him/her/it. That's what most Christian Apologists don't understand. Science has nothing against god(Despite the historical fact that "God" has something against science), Science is just out there to find The Truth, whatever and wherever it is. And despite the best efforts of the waning religious population, the worlds best minds have answered more and more questions previously deemed to be solely the domain of Religion, and In The Process, the Innumerable Holes in the Bible and Theology make themselves more and more apparent.
The final word: If, as a Christian, your final argument is that "You just have to have faith", then you've just demonstrated that you've not put ONE brain cell of your OWN to use in relation to God. You've just bought everything presented to you. I used to be a Devout Christian, more than most, and when you put the Theory of God up to any kind of scrutiny, it doesn't hold water. This is where that "Faith" argument comes from: Don't question Religion, just accept it. This is the engine that has kept religion alive and held Human Progress back for the past one-and-a-half Millenia.
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