Q: Alberto Gonzales — a liar?

A: Say it ain't so! Say it ain't... oh, wait, it's so:

• Gonzales was told of FBI violations [WaPo]

As he sought to renew the USA Patriot Act two years ago, Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales assured lawmakers that the FBI had not abused its potent new terrorism-fighting powers. "There has not been one verified case of civil liberties abuse," Gonzales told senators on April 27, 2005.

Six days earlier, the FBI sent Gonzales a copy of a report that said its agents had obtained personal information that they were not entitled to have. It was one of at least half a dozen reports of legal or procedural violations that Gonzales received in the three months before he made his statement to the Senate intelligence committee, according to internal FBI documents released under the Freedom of Information Act.

Oopsie daisy.

But aside from all the blah blah civil liberties blah, I mostly highlight this story for posterity, as it's the 1000th time the attorney general has been caught perjuring himself. Way to go, Al!!!

To commemorate the occasion, the Franklin Mint will release a series of collectible coins, and Gonzales himself will be awarded a special personalized coffee mug.


Of course, Gonzales is not truly a "grandpa" — but he would be willing to testify to the contrary, were he under oath. The man takes a lot of criticism for being what appears to be an execrable A.G. and lying fuckhead, but it's really just that he hates the Bible.

Alberto Gonzales: "I solemnly swear to ignore John 8:44."