Q: Did Steve Winwood sell the rights to "Bring Me a Higher Love" to the National Restaurant Association?

A: If you want to know whether a restaurant keeps its kitchen up to health code, they say you should check the restrooms. If a place bothers to clean its toilets on a regular basis, you probably won't get salmonella, or so the story goes.

Bring me a bloomin' onion, whoa oh.

I'd like to introduce a new rule for instamatic food-service evaluation: If you want to know whether your meal will be poisoned, check to see if Steve Winwood's "Bring Me a Higher Love" is playing.

The easy way to remember this rule is that "Bring Me a Higher Love" is the worst song of all time, and any establishment that allows it to be pumped in actively hates its patrons.

According to a recent Pew study, 65% of family restaurants in the Midwest are playing "Bring Me a Higher Love" right this second.