Q: Could please someone do something about the fact that "biweekly" means both "every two weeks" and "twice weekly"?

A: Seriously, guys, wtf? No one anticipated that perhaps this might result in some scheduling confusion? Do you realize that a bimonthly magazine is published exactly as often, and simultaneously 16 times less frequently, than a biweekly? Is this some kind of scam by the publishers of Scale Aviation Magazine to confuse the elderly into thinking teenagers are stealing their mail?

As you may recall from your fifth-grade history curriculum, Merriam & Webster had planned to sort this out at their "biannual" meetings, but after Merriam didn't show up for the first three, a despondent Webster descended into the secret chamber behind George Papadopolis' grandfather clock and died of a broken heart and autoerotic asphyxiation.

The moral of the story is, when ordering bisexual hookers, take care to clarify the terms of the agreement in advance. Remember: Every time you're stabbed to death in a dispute with a pimp, T.A.M.S.Y. loses one-third of our remaining readership.