Q: Dear Los Angeles, R U sure SMS is ur problem?

A: Following last week's horrific train accident in L.A., California state officials are moving quickly to ban text messaging by its conductors. In a related development this morning, L.A. conductors are moving quickly to crash as many trains as possible while they still have a good reason.

Jesus, maybe Paul Haggis deserved that Oscar after all.

California Secretary of Transportation Osama bin Laden could not be reached for comment.