Q: What is George W. Bush giving Barack Obama for Christmas?

A: A not-collapsed economy! Right now he's got it on layaway:

I feel a sense of obligation to my successor to make sure there is not a, you know, a huge economic crisis. Look, we're in a crisis now. I mean, this is -- we're in a huge recession, but I don't want to make it even worse.

-- George W. Bush

God bless us, every one!

In the same spirit of giving, Bush blessed economists with an updated edition of Adam Smith's Wealth of Nations, with an all-new epilogue by noted economist George W. Bush.

"I've abandoned free-market principles to save the free-market system," explained the President. Makes sense. It's like how you can't overcome your addiction to cocaine without first having done a great deal of cocaine. You know, the exception that proves the rule! The rule, in this case, being that you are a dumbass.

See, it's just like Adam Smith always said, you just lay back and let the invisible hand of the market do whatever it wants to do, and then when it suddenly grabs a handgun and shoots itself in the face, you let the invisible hand of your right hand pick up a phone and call the Treasury Secretary and tell him to please fucking help.