Q: Is Alberto Gonzales just not that into (war crimes trib)you(nals)?

As I came into this lonely house last night
I looked at all my windows but I couldn't find one light

I found you on that road to Mexico
And now, my love, I beg
Please, oh, please, don't go

One day married, next day free
Broken hearts for you and me

It's a sin for you to get a Mexican divorce

Finding love takes so long
Walking out must be wrong

It's a sin for you to get a Mexican divorce

---

The Drifters
Mexican Divorce
The Look of Love: The Burt Bacharach Collection, 1998 [buy]

---

A: Bye bye, dumbass.

Q: Alberto Gonzales — a liar?

A: Say it ain't so! Say it ain't... oh, wait, it's so:

• Gonzales was told of FBI violations [WaPo]

As he sought to renew the USA Patriot Act two years ago, Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales assured lawmakers that the FBI had not abused its potent new terrorism-fighting powers. "There has not been one verified case of civil liberties abuse," Gonzales told senators on April 27, 2005.

Six days earlier, the FBI sent Gonzales a copy of a report that said its agents had obtained personal information that they were not entitled to have. It was one of at least half a dozen reports of legal or procedural violations that Gonzales received in the three months before he made his statement to the Senate intelligence committee, according to internal FBI documents released under the Freedom of Information Act.

Oopsie daisy.

But aside from all the blah blah civil liberties blah, I mostly highlight this story for posterity, as it's the 1000th time the attorney general has been caught perjuring himself. Way to go, Al!!!

To commemorate the occasion, the Franklin Mint will release a series of collectible coins, and Gonzales himself will be awarded a special personalized coffee mug.


Of course, Gonzales is not truly a "grandpa" — but he would be willing to testify to the contrary, were he under oath. The man takes a lot of criticism for being what appears to be an execrable A.G. and lying fuckhead, but it's really just that he hates the Bible.

Alberto Gonzales: "I solemnly swear to ignore John 8:44."

Q: How did Harvard students celebrate Alberto Gonzales' 25-year reunion?

A: By showing up dressed in Gitmo prisoner outfits. Totally awesome.

Attn. Gen. Gonzales: Sticks out like a stress-positioned thumb.

MORE: T.A.M.S.Y. on Alberto Gonzales

Q:uote of the Day | Alberto Gonzales' "reconfirmation hearing"

A: "The Department of Justice should never be reduced to another political arm of the White House — this White House or any White House."

— Sen. Patrick J. Leahy (D-Vt.)

P.S.: It's not just Democrats. Everyone hates Alberto Gonzales.

Q: How does the Bush administration define loyalty?

A: The Voice reports on some of the criteria employed by Karl Rove and the Bush White House in choosing, and weeding out, U.S. Attorneys.

Of course, as with candidates for any W.-appointed gig, inexperience is forgivable so long as you're "loyal." But loyalty, as defined by Alberto Gonzales and Team Dubya, isn't just a matter of being Republican or targeting Dems; it's also a willingness to implement administration dogma into the justice system, with a shoehorn if necessary.

Drink the Kool Aid, man: Karl Rove's Just-Us Department

For Roslynn Mauskopf, one of New York's two U.S. Attorneys, keeping the White House's love has been pretty simple. Like they say in Sin City, sometimes standing up for your friends means killing a whole lot of people.

While Mauskopf did not score well on the gun, immigration, and public corruption standards that the DOJ claims it uses to evaluate prosecutors, she was at the top of the charts by a standard the department has not acknowledged that it employs: enthusiasm for the death penalty. Her office has sought the death penalty against at least 16 defendants...The judge in one of those cases called the decision to seek the death penalty "absurd," just as another judge declared in a 2004 case that he was "deeply troubled" by the government's death penalty application.

The attorney general, not Mauskopf, makes the final decision in death penalty cases, acting on the recommendation of the U.S. Attorney. But Mauskopf's aggressive support of the Bush efforts to "federalize the death penalty" has helped make New York one of the three states with the most cases. The use of these cases as a DOJ measure of U.S. Attorney performance became clear in a department e-mail that derided one of the dismissed U.S. Attorneys for expressing "differences of opinion about when to seek the death penalty." The Los Angeles Times reported that three of the fired eight disagreed with Justice on capital cases.

Mauskopf's hard-on for tax-sponsored executions isn't lost on the White House, and her loyalty is already paying dividends: She's currently a nominee for federal judge — a lifetime appointment. Bush and Rove may be out of the White House soon, but unfortunately for the justice system, their heckova-jobisms will linger for decades.