Q: Is our children properly hydrating?

A: Earlier this year, BET Animation and performer Bomani "D'Mite" Armah teamed up to produce this very entertaining mock PSA.



It's way popular (875,000+ views), but I hadn't seen it until Brian Romero posted it to his cartooning blog over the weekend.

The controversy surrounding its racial overtones made it all the way to CNN, according to a YouTube commenter. It's not racist, so much as it is just an effective satire of la vie de crunk — but I'd imagine CNN saw it differently.

Q: Do I know art, or do I just know what you like? Pt. 2 (of 3)

A: The second part of today's trilogy of mind-expandistic YouTubography takes us to Wesleyan University [UPDATE: or possibly elsewhere], for a short film named for and based loosely on a McSweeneys book, Dear New Girl or Whatever Your Name Is.

[hat tip: On the Record...]

It is not yet a hit, until just now when it was featured here.

UPDATE, PT. 2: Check out that backing song, MGMT's "Kids", over here. -- 8/21, 12:10AM

Q: Does Harry Potter burn out or fade away?

A: As first reported very early this morning on TorrentFreak, J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — the most eagerly anticipated book in the history of paper — has leaked to the Internet four days ahead of its scheduled release date.

On one hand, T.A.M.S.Y. hates to ruin a surprise. On the other hand, with the cat already out of the bag, there's really no point in waiting.

SO HERE IT IS — the final page of the final chapter of the final successful book series ever. Click to enlarge:

SPOILER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, there's no point in buying the book now, but if you need an extremely heavy paperweight, this will do.

Q: David Halberstam: Journalist...OR WAS HE!?

A: That's just what the Germans want you to believe!

INSIDEBAYAREA.COM: Reputed Journalist Killed in Crash

Okay, let's do our friends over at insidebayarea.com a favor and brush up on some vocab.

Reputed: putative: commonly put forth or accepted as true on inconclusive grounds; "the foundling's putative father"; "the reputed (or purported) author of the book"; "the supposed date of birth".

Saying David Halberstam was a "reputed journalist" suggests that his status as a journalist is in question. It's like saying, "Alleged Former President of Russia Dies of Heart Failure". It only makes sense if InsideBayArea hates David Halberstam.

(Which would be unthinkable, since Halberstam was one of the great truth-tellers in an age of "inoperative" statements, and a superlative chronicler of sports in an age of dumb white guys who don't know a goddamned thing about sports. His sudden accidental death is unquestionably tragic.)

Reputed journalist David Halberstam, left, allegedly wore glasses while reporting from what he claimed was the Mekong Delta.

A certain unnamed sexy teenage friend of mine suggests that the copy editor here meant to use the adjective "reputed" as a form of the noun "repute," "the state of being held in high esteem and honor." But you can't just go around turning nouns into adjectives! IT WOULD BE MASS CHAOS!!!

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KNBC: Police Kill Reputed Gang Member in Shootout

Alas, he was among our most esteemed Crips.

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MORE ON DAVID HALBERSTAM:

• A Skeptical Vietnam Voice Still Echoes in the Fog of Iraq [NYT]
• The Salon Interview: David Halberstam
• Halberstam on Journalism [NYT]
• Halberstam talks to Steve Inskeep about the parallels between today and the Vietnam era [NPR]
• Interview: Halberstam's Hit Streak Continues [Powells]
• The Best and the Brightest and other books by David Halberstam [Amazon]

Q: What do Don Imus and Kurt Vonnegut have in common?

A: They're both famous Americans! Also:

• Several thousand consecutive bad hair days.
• Imus was a champion of radio aired during breakfast; Vonnegut wrote Breakfast of Champions.
• Recent career setbacks.
• Black humor.

Q: How did Kurt Vonnegut die?

A: The official word is that Kurt Vonnegut died of "suffered irreversible brain injuries as a result of a fall several weeks ago." T.A.M.S.Y. suspect this is all an allegorically minded cover, and that he actually died of disgust.

Either that, or he simply succumbed to superfluousness, having suddenly discovered the world around him to be even more preposterous than he could ever have conceived of in a novel.

R.I.P. Kurt Vonnegut (1922—2007).

Q: What are citizens of Florida claiming exclusive rights to today, aside from rambling insanity?

A: Ownership of Mickey Mouse:

• Local man sues Disney for $50 million [MyFox Tampa Bay]

Clearwater resident Steven Stein thinks he has Walt Disney's original drawing of the famous character.

Stein says he paid a NYC thrift store $3 for the drawing in 1984, and he says he's spent many years and many dollars authenticating the artwork. "I've had the ink test-dated. I've had the paper test-dated. The ink tests to the mid 1920's," he said.

Stein claims the Disney Corporation has refused to even look at his drawing since he approached them in 1989.

Now he's taking Disney to court. "I'm suing them for $50-million, the copyright on Mickey Mouse, and the right to tell the Walt Disney story," said Stein.

Seems reasonable.

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RELATED: I remain skeptical of the document-authentication field, ever since reading The Mormon Murders last spring. I read it immediately after The Smartest Guys in the Room, and the two non-fictions combined to leave me with the sense that all experts in all fields are frauds.

Both are really, really good, and weirdly complement each other, sort of. I may have already mentioned all this, but whatever. According to the above links, you can get used copies of both for under $3 total from Amazon. Highly recommended.

Q: Is Daniel Stern dead?

A: Lest there be confusion:

Daniel Stern,
actor (Home Alone): Alive.

Daniel Stern,
author (Twice Told Tales: Stories): Dead.

Daniel Stern,
pen name of Marie Catherine Sophie de Flavigny, Vicomtesse de Flavigny (Histoire de la Révolution de 1848): Banging Franz Liszt in heaven.

For the record, the status of Daniel N. Stern, child psychologist and baby diarist, is unknown. Meanwhile, the Sterns, Boston's indie rock quintet, are alive and well.

PRE-ORDER: A Book for Daniel Stern, a very timely literary tribute to the novelist, short story writer, ex-music mogul, and University of Houston professor who died last week at 79.

Q: Have 700 hours to kill?

A: Traffic doesn't have to be a drag -- not if you have a veritable king's ransom of classic audiobooks to play while you idle.

Featured authors include Dickens, Dostoevsky, Joyce, Kafka, Wilde and many others -- all for the price of zero dollars. Enjoi.

EARLIER: Q: Have seven hours to kill?

Q: Is brain damage the new Viagra?

A: No, because you have to pay for Viagra. Brain damage is not only free, it's a potential gold mine.

• Injured man wins damages for sex overdrive [Reuters]

LONDON - A devout Christian who said an accident at work boosted his libido and wrecked his marriage as he turned to prostitutes and pornography was awarded more than 3 million pounds ($5.89 million) in damages Tuesday.

Stephen Tame, 29, from Suffolk, suffered severe head injuries in a fall, transforming him from a loyal newlywed into a "disinhibited" character who had two affairs.

The good news for Mr. Tame is that he'll have plenty of pocket money for hookers and blow. The bad news is...hold on, I'm still looking for the bad news. Oh, I guess you can count it as bad news that he'll suffer eternity in the Second Circle of Hell.

Virgil to Dante: "The girls in this place are totally easy."

Anyway, the next time you suffer a massive head trauma in the workplace, just think of it as a very lucrative time to have an affair. You'll be carousing all the way to the bank.

In related news, Scott Baio has announced that he will be suing God.

Q: Why hate the Drake?

A: Because he's the worst curse ever. From the childhood diary of Will Nolan:



The audio was recorded at Mortified, a traveling carnival of adolescent embarrassment that showcases excerpts from the earliest written works of its cast (as featured on This American Life).

The official book, Mortified: Real Words. Real People. Real Pathetic., was released last week. It'd make a fine Christmas gift for anyone still haunted by the demons of their youth. Which is everyone.

Q: Who's honoring me now?

A: Overheard in New York, the beloved east-coast reality blog, has awarded me runner-up for my vulgar entry to their latest headline contest. I thank them for the honor (and the subsequent boost to my SiteMeter). But let's face it, I totally should have won that thing, you fuckers.

To those of you visiting T.A.M.S.Y. for the first time, welcome. Also, I have a favor to ask you (specifically to those coming via Overhead's Livejournal feed): Do any of you have a paid LiveJournal account? Would you do me a favor and take thirty seconds to create a feed for this blog? Something like "tamsy" or "maysurprise" or whatever's not taken. I'll love you forever, stranger. Thanks.

UPDATE: A million thanks to novelist Sara Zarr for hooking me up with a LiveJournal feed! LiveJournalists can now receive the latest from T.A.M.S.Y. right on their friends page, RSS-style, via username maysurprise.

Ms. Zarr's debut novel, Story of a Girl, hits bookshelves next month. Word on the street is that it is excellent.

Q: Why is my blog suddenly very popular with feline urologists?

A: It turns out there was a fundamental misunderstanding in regards to today's theme.

I apologize to those feline urologists who might have been disappointed. Regardless, even if you're only here expecting to read about...


...I assure you that -- whether your specialty is tabbies, Persians, Siamese, or just the pet-urine wholesale market -- you will still find great enjoyment in the subject of today's actual theme, An Abundance of Katherines, by award-winning novelist John Green.

Although the book does not directly involve your field of interest, per se, the universal issues that it does explore (the challenges in sustaining romantic love; the weightiness of the great expectations we place upon ourselves; the efforts to identify systems in a world wrought with chaos) are handled so deftly that they will be sure to resonate with your understanding of any topic. Even that of cats and their urinary problems. I mean, maybe.

In any event, it's about a kid who's been dumped 19 times, all by girls named Katherine. And it's funny. And it's only ten bucks at Amazon. So, c'mon, just buy the book already.

Q: How is Osama bin Laden celebrating Abundance of John Green Day?

A: With sinister laughter and American television.

Or at least, so says Ed Cuevo of Mohegan Lake, NY, who emailed CNN recently to settle the debate between Democrats and Republicans over the failure to prevent 9/11. Cuevo writes:

It doesn't really matter anymore who did what or didn't. As we wrangle about the issue repeatedly, bin Laden is out there watching American television treating his Typhoid w/ laughter, the best medicine.

Osama: Addicted to Laguna Beach.

Good point, Ed. Why are we wasting time debating national security? We should be on the hunt for Osama -- who not only ordered the attacks of September 11th, but is now callously stealing cable TV (which COSTS ALL OF US)!!!

My suggestion is we simply snoop around the local Radio Shacks in the mountainous region of South Waziristan to see if anyone recently purchased 20,000 ft. of coaxial cable. Keep in mind that Radio Shack records the ZIP codes of all its customers. If that doesn't lead us directly into the heart of Al Qaeda, nothing will.

I do, however, have to make one small correction to Mr. Cuevo's email. He suggests that laughter is the best medicine for Typhoid; recent studies indicate, however, the best medicine for Typhoid is actually Typhoid medicine.

The best medicine for the black plague, however, remains laughter. So for anyone out there who has the black plague, take two of these uproarious John Green novels and call me in the morning.

Q: How is Blogger celebrating Abundance of John Green Day?

A: With a brilliant impersonation of the most famous scene from John Green's first book, Looking For Alaska.

...i.e., , by going down.

Or, if you prefer: by sucking.

Or, if you prefer: by exploding in a fiery car crash, without explanation or warning.

I hate you, Blogger. Anyway, we seem to be back up and running now. Yay.

Q: How are you celebrating Abundance of John Green Day?

A: We hope you're celebrating it here on The Answer May Surprise You.

For one thing, T.A.M.S.Y. is the only place actually celebrating Abundance of John Green Day, given how we just invented it.

Besides, we've got all sorts of exciting features planned for throughout the day¹, all dedicated to longtime friend and totally famous, Printz Award-winning author John Green -- and specifically to John's hilarious new novel, An Abundance of Katherines.

You can read more about Katherines at John's web site, sparksflyup.com, or via his daily blog.

¹ Pending my ability to complete said features. Speaking of which, does anyone know how to make complex Flash animation games? Also, does anyone have the ability to set up an offshore casino? Please email me immediately.

Q: Is Green the new black?

A: No. Black is the new black. I saw it on a Gap commercial.

By the way, Audrey Hepburn just called from heaven, and she wants her goddamned royalty check.



Poor Audrey. As a teenager in the Netherlands, she danced ballet to raise money for the resistance against the Nazi occupation¹; now, as a dead person, she's forced to dance for globalization. It just goes to show: Death sucks. But still, nice pants.

Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh right:

Green, as I said, is not the new black -- but as far as ubiquitous fashion trends go, it's the next best thing.

And when I say "Green," of course, I mean my longtime pal John Green; and when I say "ubiquitous fashion trend," I mean that everyone's blogging about him and his new novel, An Abundance of Katherines; and when I say "everyone," I'm referring specifically to the 19 bloggers participating in his 19-day online book tour.

All of which is a very roundabout way of telling you that, tomorrow, the Katherines tour is scheduled to make a stop at The Answer May Surprise You.

In honor of this momentous occasion, I hereby name Thurs., Sept. 28th the first annual An Abundance of John Green Day², in which all (i.e., both) of my posts will somehow involve my most famousiest³ friend.

Also, free balloons for the children. Mark your calendars now.

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¹ True story, by the way, according to her biographer.

Hepburn -- whose lifelong skinniness was attributed to malnutrition suffered during the occupation -- once spoke of the many parallels between her own young life and that of Anne Frank, who was the same age as her, and whose diary apparently referenced the execution of Hepburn's uncle.

Speaking of which, Anne Frank just called from heaven, and she wants her goddamned royalty check.

² Also likely the last annual An Abundance of John Green Day.

³ Unless we count Wyclef... and by the way, WE DO.