Q: What is this morning's least surprising news development? Or should we just call it a three-million way tie?

It's probably a bad sign for the state of international journalism when you look at the morning's headlines and the only surprising answer is in the weather forecast.

Lake Erie: Beginning to look a lot like Christmas?

Not that I'm complaining about the forecast, mind you; I was just outside, and it's a balmy 52°. After this post, I'm heading straight for the beach. Surf's up, beyotch!!

But while I've no problem with thermometers hearkening back to bygone days, I find it disconcerting that the rest of the news is headed the same direction.

Granted, we all approach the news these days expecting a bit of recycled material. You know, things like United States trapped in meaningless quagmire, or Kremlin murders guy who says bad things about Kremlin, or Israeli/Palestinian relations growing tense or Republican president is idiot. It's the nature of history to repeat itself, and the nature of journalists to barely notice. I get all that.

Still, something about today feels even more recycled-er than ever. I initially thought maybe Google News was running a "greatest hits" compilation of the past year, or the past 30 years -- or the past 130 years, considering that Jack the Ripper is evidently still murdering British hookers.

Four stories in particular, though, stand out as particularly unsurprising. Help me choose the unsurprisingest!

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THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO DUH

1) IRAQ WAR = UNPOPULAR: Americans Say U.S. Is Losing War [WaPo]

Look, anyone who reads this blog regularly, which is at least three people, knows that I have always supported things that make the Bush administration look bad (e.g., reality). But the daily polls revealing that people think the war is going poorly -- am I still expected to find this fascinating? Do newspaper editors think I wake up each morning to thoughts of, "Gosh, I wonder if the past 24 hours of bloody mayhem and chaos have led Americans to embrace the war enthusiastically! Where can I get some numbers on that?"

2) JEWS = NUCLEAR: Israel's Olmert under fire over nuclear remarks [Reuters]

Lehrer: 'Who's dated now, bitch?'

Granted, I do appreciate the rather awkward faux pas-ness of this story. The old, "I'm sorry, did I just say we had nuclear weapons? What I meant to say was HEY WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE [runs away]." That's just solid Borscht Belt humor.

My issue with this is more, Since when did we not know Israel had the bomb? I totally didn't know it was supposed to be a secret. Frankly, I'm just glad it wasn't me who let the cat out of the bag. Granted, I base all my information on who does or doesn't have the bomb on a 40-year-old Tom Lehrer song.

3) DAVID DUKE = BIGOT: KKK's David Duke Tells Iran Holocaust Conference That Gas Chambers Not Used to Kill Jews [FOX Cleveland]

You know, I'm just blue-skying here, but it seems like we're getting to a point where we can't trust David Duke's insight on sensitive ethnic issues anymore. I don't want to jump the gun or anything.

Actually, I have to disqualify this story's lack of surprisingness, because I find it way too hilarious that (a) David Duke still gets speaking-engagement work, and (b) in Iran. Let's just pray he's being shadowed by a documentarian, because Live from Tehran, It's David Duke! is going to be the There's Something About Mary of 2007.


4) ANGELINA JOLIE = HOMEWRECKER: Jolie Fell in Love with Pitt while He Was Still Married [E Canada Now]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, so that's how she got inseminated by his sperm!