Q: Oh Mary, can ah run ye hame? (or, What's the meaning of "Cod Liver Oil and Orange Juice"?)

A: Currently in constant rotation, between my iTunes and my brain, is "Cod Liver Oil and Orange Juice," an ode to drunken hookups performed in 1966 by Scottish folk-revivalist Hamish Imlach. Between the Scot slang and Imlach's Glaswegian accent, I barely know what half the song means, and yet I find it entirely irresistible.

Hamish Imlach
Cod Liver Oil and Orange Juice
Hamish Imlach [OOP], 1966

I'm still getting a bunch of hits for my post on the history and meaning of "For What It's Worth", so I thought it might be useful to do the same for "Cod Liver Oil..." But after Googling (and Urban Dictionary-ing) around for a while, I discovered that extensive annotations are already available. Thanks, the Internet!

According to those notes, the song evolved as a take-off of an American spiritual song, "Virgin Mary Had a Little Baby"; the Mary in "Cod Liver Oil" gets pregnant by entirely non-immaculate means in a slum basement. As may be obvious to Brits and/or old people, cod liver oil and orange juice was a concoction commonly served to promote the health of pregnant women and children during WWII. The cod-liver cocktail is still recommended for sufferers of arthritis, and still tastes terrible.


The song is one of many reasons to check out the wonderfully eclectic Transatlantic Story, a four-disc anthology compiling highlights from a British label, Transatlantic Records, that was a favorite of hippies and other drug addicts in the 60s and 70s. The set is apparently out of print, but it's available via Amazon Marketplace for a cool $20.88.

Q: What's the most annoying liberal arts college in the world?

A: Gawker struck comments gold this afternoon while pondering the heir to Oberlin College's throne.

I'm happy to report Kenyon was quickly disqualified, although I should note it's not so much "preppy" as it is "too lazy / intoxicated / ironically detached / self-obsessed to be bothered with your filthy hippie ramblings, thank you very much." (I submitted Macalester's protest-based curriculum as a write-in, but it doesn't seem to be gaining much traction. Roger, back me up here.)

Anyway, I haven't seen so many comments on a Gawker Media blog since the time Deadspin said something about anything.

EARLIER: Kenyon College For Dummies.

Q: How did Harvard students celebrate Alberto Gonzales' 25-year reunion?

A: By showing up dressed in Gitmo prisoner outfits. Totally awesome.

Attn. Gen. Gonzales: Sticks out like a stress-positioned thumb.

MORE: T.A.M.S.Y. on Alberto Gonzales

Q: Why in God's name am I posting a Linkin Park video?

A: Because Daily Kos says Linkin Park's new video for "What I've Done" is "socially conscious" and "making waves." And I just want to be hip with the kids, and the progressive bloggers.

The socially conscious moral of the video appears to be that people suck. Good point!



It's like the Koyaanisqatsi of shitty alternative rock!

But I think Linkin Park is just trying to apologize for having given their band such a dumb name.

Q: What's the matter with kids today, with their hippety hoppity and their love for George W. Bush?

A: These young people today, I tell you! They don't know the value of a dollar. Or anyway, they don't know the plummeting value of the American dollar. Or how things are going in Iraq. Or, like, how to read.

How else can you explain this New York Times poll claiming twentysomethings are more supportive of Bush and the war than any other age group? [via Ross]

Forty-eight percent of Americans 18 to 29 years old said the United States did the right thing in taking military action against Iraq, while 45 percent said the United States should have stayed out. That is in sharp contrast to the opinions of those 65 and older, who have lived through many other wars...

Overall, 34 percent of Americans said they approved of the way the president was handling his job, and 58 percent disapproved. But younger Americans were more approving than older Americans. Forty percent of 18-29 year olds said Mr. Bush was doing a good job, while 56 percent said he was not.

Hipster irony has finally gone too far! LAY OFF THE WEED, PEOPLE. Don't make me side with the crotchety old folks here!

More than one person who lived through the Vietnam war mentioned the draft and the absence of one for this war. "It's because of life experience," said Jimmie Powell, 73, a bartender and factory worker from El Reno, Oklahoma. "I don't think younger people really know a whole lot about anything. They don't care because there is no draft. If there were a draft, we'd finally have the revolution we need."

Yeah! Damn you no-nothing kids, with your respect for authority and your placing trust in the establishment and your rap music! Back in the good old days, the Weather Underground would've burned Washington to the ground by now.

RELATED: No, really, what the fuck is going on here?

Q: Why is Marcel Duchamp rolling dans sa tombe?

A: Because heaven recently installed wireless Internet¹ — allowing M. Duchamp to visit the Official Online Guide to his onetime 'hood, Greenwich Village.

Duchamp's epitaph translates to "Anyway, it's always other people that die." By which he means, "Why is my tomb so fricking crowded?"

"For over 100 years," the site reads, "this small area below 14th Street and west of Broadway has been a Mecca to the creative, rebellious and Bohemian. Although today no starving artists could afford to live here," SO DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT YOU GODDAMN BEATNIKS, "the vibe still lingers and the beat goes on!" And by "vibe," they mean "odor," and by "the beat," they mean the Blue Man Group hitting things with sticks.

T.A.M.S.Y. SAYS: Kind of dickish to flaunt your preposterous rents right there on the front page, the Village. Your site is already an affront to artists. You don't have to rub it in.

On the bright side, the Village is still rat-infested, which is sort of like being bohemian.

RELATED: The cover of The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan was photographed in the Village. This was back when Dylan actually lived there, and before freewheelin' was banned.

EARLIER: Big gay riot | Why is Disney rolling in his fridge?

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¹ Hell got wireless like five years ago, but only because Circle #2 loves them some porn. L'Enfer, c'est les O.P.P.!

Q: How tall is Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad?

A: Five foot four¹! Who knew? Well, probably a lot of people knew, but I just found out.

How did I find out, you ask? The answer... MAY SURPRISE YOU.

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D.C. blog Wonkette is reporting that Israeli newspaper Haaretz is reporting that Iranian pro-gov't news agencies are reporting² Iranian Revolutionary Guard top dog Nur Ali Shushkari's claims that a sneaky submarine commando unit etched the military force's logo (see: right) onto the side of an American warship stationed in the Persian Gulf.

Those. Bastards. Skateboarding may not be a crime (or so I hear), but graffiti? Now that's just taking it too far. How dare they risk their lives and their submarine for such a rude prank!

It's infuriating! It's hackles-raising! It's... a really weird plan that I don't understand even a little! Which is extra infuriating! And the worst part is, we just had that warship washed!

(By the way, what kind of national guard calls itself "Revolutionary"? Isn't the point of a national guard to crush down revolutionaries? And smack around hippies? I'm so confused, I need another nap.)

Anyway. For some reason, no one seems to be reporting what the Revolutionary Guard painted on the other side of the warship. I warn you, before you look down one quarter of an inch, it is very unsettling.


I would respond, but my hackles can't even reach that high.

EARLIER: How tall is Nancy Pelosi?

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¹ As reported by Brian Williams, or his producer or somebody who had a tape measure or whatever.
² Iranian pro-gov't news agencies not available via Google News. I mean, probably not, anyway. It's not like I checked or anything.

Q: Would you please stop, children, asking me what's that sound?

A: In commemoration of the one million billionth person to land on The Answer May Surprise You after having Googled some variation on "stop children what's that sound," I've decided to try and answer whatever the question is they're meaning to ask.

Q: Who sang the song "Stop, Now, What's That Sound"?

A: There is no such song. The song you're thinking of is called "For What It's Worth."

Q: Okay, fine, whatever, who sang the song "For What It's Worth"?

A: Buffalo Springfield.

Q: Wait, isn't that the lady who the only boy who could ever reach her was the son of a preacher man?

A: No, you're thinking of Mary Isabel Catherine Bernadette O'Brien, a.k.a. Dusty Springfield, "Britain's greatest pop diva." Buffalo Springfield is the legendary American folk-rock supergroup, comprising Stephen Stills, Neil Young, Richie Furay, Bruce Palmer and Dewey Martin.

Their formation is "the stuff of legend," and involves the fact that Neil Young used to drive a hearse (in fact, hearse-related events seem to have prompted most of his early life decisions).

Q: Who wrote "Stop, Children, What's That Sound"?

A: "For What It's Worth," and Stephen Stills.

In its write-up on the song, AMG calls "For What It's Worth" "one of the most representative sounds of the 60s -- even by sheer fact of just the first guitar note and half a dozen drum beats."

That familiar intro has been featured in something like four hundred thousand films and TV shows (including Forrest Gump and The Wonder Years), and was sampled by Public Enemy in 1998's "He Got Game."

Q: What is the song about?

A: The famous Sunset Strip curfew riots of December, 1966. Granted, I have no idea what the curfew riots actually were, because no one has written a Wikipedia entry for them yet. But presumably they involved self-righteous, gun-toting LAPD officers vs a bunch of stoned teenagers, one of whom could have been Stephen Stills, possibly protesting the escalatating Vietnam War.

In short, there was something happening there, but what it was, I'm not exactly clear.

For what it's worth, here are the rest of the lyrics to "For What It's Worth."

Q: Can I download the song from you?

A: No, that would be illegal.

Q: Pleeeeeeease? What if I make out with you?

A: Well. Okay, fine. But you also have to promise to buy the album from which the track was taken, Buffalo Springfield's eponymous debut, on which "For What It's Worth" is the opening track.

Buffalo Springfield - For What It's Worth
Buffalo Springfield, 1967

Q: Thanks! But can I just buy Retrospective: The Best of Buffalo Springfield? I'm the sort of person who only buys greatest hits albums.

A: Sure. But I wish I had known that about you before we made out.

Q: Jesus, why do you have to be such an elitist dick about everything?

A: Because it helps to combat my underlying self-loathing.

Q: Oh right. Hey, can I leave now?

A: No, you should check out my homepage! Or look at all the other mp3s I've made available for sampling!

Q: Wow, okay, that sounds AMAZING now that you mention it. Should I also click on all of your ads?

A: I can't recommend that explicitly, given the terms of Google AdSense. But if you see something you like, go for it!!!!! Also, feel free to buy a shitload of California wine.

Q: Are you saying that for the 15% referral bonus, or are you trying to get me drunk so we can make out again?

A: A little of column A, a little of column B.

Q: Can a tree feel pain?

Weeping willows: Dude should put 'em out of their misery.

A: No, you crazy hippie, it's a tree.

Since you asked, though, it warrants mentioning that paper can feel pain. Also disillusionment. Just look.

if you can read these words, you aren't watching this video.

If you dig it, digg it.

And okay, yeah, I already posted that from YouTube last summer. But everything just looks better in Google Video.

Q: Did you hear the one about the mysterious disappearance of Jesus' foreskin?

J.C. Uncut: "Um, guys? You're kind of weirding me out here."

A: That's not the elaborate setup for a joke. It's the elaborate setup for an actual news story: Who Stole Jesus' Foreskin? [Slate]

And if you think that sounds weird, trust me, it's way weirder than you think. I don't want to give too much away, but just consider the following tidbits:

• Jesus Christ's foreskin was the pride of an Italian city for over 400 years...
• And officially recognized as a holy relic by the Vatican...
• Until 1900, when the Catholic Church opted to cancel the annual Feast of the Circumcision...
• At which point it banned anyone from ever mentioning the foreskin again.
• And then recently, it was stolen, probably either by the Vatican or hippies.

Really. No, seriously. I'm not joking. Read the story.

And Americans think Islam is weird?

Q: Why are PETA members cancelling their NBA season tickets?

A: Haha, just kidding! Emotionally crippled hippies don't care about sports. They're trying to reject their fathers, not bond with them, duh.

But in a fantasyworld where PETA members did buy NBA season tickets, they almost certainly would be cancelling them now that commish David Stern is doing an uncharacteristic 180 and returning to leather balls, reports ESPN.com's Marc Stein:

It might be the most stunning ball reversal in hoops history.

Not even three months into the life of its controversial synthetic basketball, NBA commissioner David Stern moved Monday to hush scores of discontented players by shelving Spalding's new microfiber composite ball and authorizing a switch back to the old leather ball for all games starting Jan. 1.

"Our players' response to this particular composite ball has been consistently negative and we are acting accordingly," Stern said in a statement. "Although testing performed by Spalding and the NBA demonstrated that the new composite basketball was more consistent than leather and statistically there has been an improvement in shooting, scoring and ball-related turnovers, the most important statistic is the view of our players."

Hahahaha, everyone's in a joking mood today! Oh, wait, he was being serious. Odd, considering it was just six weeks ago that ESPN's Chris Sheridan wrote, following a conversation with Stern, "No matter what the players say, the new NBA ball is here to stay."

See, what Stern really means to say is that the new ball (which PETA really did try to take credit for, by the way) is causing actual injuries. It's not the pain that'd concern him so much as the fact that having Steve Nash's hands fall off would be bad for business. Stein continues:

ESPN.com reported Friday that league officials began contacting all 30 teams late last week to start gauging its supply of leftover leather balls from last season in case the decision to switch came quickly.

The hope now, according to sources, is that the league can get a playable supply of leather balls to each team by Christmas...

Say, that might be a tall order -- maybe even too tall for the NBA! Didn't Isiah Thomas trade the Knicks' stash of leather basketballs for a set of Lincoln Logs and Brian Scalabrine or something?

Holy mother of God... this is a disaster!! How will the league EVER be able to find so much leather -- and at the height of the frantic holiday shopping season!?!?!

BREAKING: DISASTER STRIKES NBA! SEASON TO BE CANCELLED! CHRISTMAS IS RUINED!!!!!

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[click to enlarge]

Well. Well. Well.

Look who's gone and saved the NBA's sorry ass once again. Oh Bron-Bron -- you're T.A.M.S.Y.'s hero!

(But probably not Susie's.)