Q: Is that a boom mic in your pocket or are you just happy to "Disturbia" me?

A: Not to disturb you, but please note that the disturbing suburban disturbance film Disturbia receives distribution to suburban (also urban) districts today, Friday the 13th (how disturbing!). Is it worth your six to eleven dollars? The answer may unsettletain you.

Disturbia: Every killer lives next door to someone, give or take.

A couple weeks ago, I mentioned an advance amateur review of Disturbia, in which the reviewer largely just seemed disturbia'd by what he referred to as an abundance of boom microphones:

"I have never seen such an incredible proliferation of visible boom microphones in any other movie. Seriously, there was a microphone visible somewhere at the top of the screen for almost the entire length of the film. At some points in the movie, more than one microphone could be seen at a time. I understand that things slip through the editing process but this was just ridiculous." [original review available in the vicinity of here]

In response to that post, beloved commenter Dashiell suggested "the boom mike problem is the fault of the projectionist, not the filmmakers," which I assumed was true. It is a little-known fact that, when you see a movie in the theater, you're usually not getting the complete contents of the reel itself; the projectionist cuts off a bit of the top and a bit of the bottom to fit it properly on the screen¹. Exactly how much is cut off depends on the film and the projectionist. I seem to remember reading somewhere that directors don't necessarily worry about boom mics slipping into the top of the frame, since it's assumed they'll be cropped.

But now I'm wondering if DJ Caruso, the director of Disturbia, might have taken that assumption a bit too far. The film hasn't even been released, and yet I've already noticed quite a small but not insignificant number of people (maybe one to two percent of my traffic over the past week) finding T.A.M.S.Y. by Googling things like "distubia microphone showing" or "disturbia boom mic".

Sarah Roemer: I'd boom HER mic!

Now I'm considering actually seeing the movie this weekend, just for the boom mics. Also maybe for Sarah Roemer's performance as "the bikini babe who conveniently decorates the pool next door."

Surprisingly, the critics don't hate it.

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¹ This is why the Eyes Wide Shut DVD is not available in a letterbox edition; Stanley Kubrick shot it in full-frame. If the film looked "widescreen" when it first came out, it's only because the projectionist cropped it at the top and bottom to provide a larger, wider picture.

Q: So what should we call this movie in which disturbing things happen in the suburbs?

A: Suburban Disturbance!

B: It's clunky. What else you got?

A: Disturbed 'Burbs!

B: Stupid.

A: Suburbisturbing!

B: No.

A: Disturbia!

B: JACKPOT!!!

At least, I assume that's how it went.

A member of the Cleveland LJ community just posted the news that Case Western's film society would be screening Disturbia for free Thursday. I thought I'd do some poking around on the Web to see if it'd be worth the zero dollars to check it out.

I was skeptical, because usually when you name your film Disturbia, it means no one's really trying. But the things I learned... may surprise you.

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THREE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE FILM DISTURBIA

In this scene, Disturbia's stars — Shia "Would you like to buy a vowel" LaBeouf and Sarah "ROEMer!? I barely even KNOW 'er" Roemer — find themselves disturbed in suburbia.

1. It's called Disturbia, really. That's the name they came up with over at DreamWorks. Because it's set in suburbia. And it's disturbing. Disturbia. Official title. Too late to change it. Already bought the URL and everything.

2. The tagline for Disturbia is "Every killer lives next door to someone." Really.

DreamWorks, baby, c'mon. Are you fricking kidding me? Are you fridding me? Is this a tax write-off of some kind?

B: All we need now is a tagline.

A: What about "Every killer lives ne—"

B: Sure, whatever, who fucking cares. We need to find more cocaine.

#3: If you were getting the impression that no one was even trying here, I refer you to the advance review now on IMDb, entitled There was a boom mic in EVERY SINGLE SHOT:

I gave this movie a six because, despite the constant presence of boom mics, it actually got my heart racing once or twice and the acting was quite good. Seriously, though, there's a microphone in nearly every shot.