Q: How do you say "damned lies" in Arabic?

A: From yesterday's Morning Edition, NPR's Guy Raz illustrates that statistics are BS, especially in Iraq and especially especially when the Pentagon's involved. Case in point:

Sometime around February 2004, a top military official in Iraq estimated that there were about 15,000 total insurgents. About a year later, U.S. military leaders in Iraq announced that 15,000 insurgents had been killed or captured in the previous year.

In private, a skeptical military adviser pointed out to commanders that the numbers didn't make sense. "If all the insurgents were killed," he asked, "why are they fighting harder than ever?"

Hey, good question.

Karen DeYoung, in the Washington Post, came to the same conclusion: The Pentagon manipulates numbers. DeYoung's been on this beat for a while.

The Pentagon lying isn't exactly news, no matter what year it is, but under the Bush administration, these lies are intended as more than just a means of boosting American morale — they're the casus belli. More on this later.

RELATED: NPR's Day to Day talks to Karen DeYoung

Q: "Do you think the U.S. or U.N. forces should have moved into Baghdad?" Cheney's 1994 answer may surprise you.

A: Okay, we actually already knew he said all this stuff. But as far as I'm aware, we hadn't known he said it on video.



Hey, you know the old saying. Foresight's 20/20.

Q: Why does Harry Reid pay kajillions of dollars to idiot consultants when he could just subscribe to T.A.M.S.Y. for free?

A: Just saw the new WaPo/ABC poll, in which Pres. W. hits a new low (as expected).

Meanwhile, Harry Reid's all-night-sleepaway camp resulted in a massive, unprecedented surge of support for congressional Democrats. Oh, no, wait, it didn't at all.

Just 35 percent said they approve of the way congressional Democrats are handling the situation in Iraq, with 63 percent disapproving...

The latest poll was conducted July 18 to 21 among a random sample of 1,125 adults, just after Senate Democrats failed to pass legislation that would set a timetable for the start of troop withdrawals from the war zone...

Congress's approval rating has declined over the past three months because self-identified Democrats have soured in their assessment.

Wow, I can't believe Reid's plan didn't work. Oh, no, wait, I can, and have, and did:

T.A.M.S.Y., Jul 18: One reason — perhaps the biggest reason — Congress' approval ratings are so low is because Americans have the impression no one is getting anything done. Spending all night very dramatically not getting anything done, in the midst of a media frenzy, isn't going to help that.

Yes, it's thanks to brilliant predictions like that that my blog is now read by upwards of several people.

MORE FROM MY CRYSTAL BALL: Sometime in the near future, John Edwards is going to smile so wide, it will expose several of his teeth. I also expect him to reveal his father's profession to have involved some sort of work in a mine. MARK IT DOWN. Meanwhile, Barack Obama will continue to be black.

YO HARRY BABY: Subscribe to T.A.M.S.Y. already. It's totally free, plus you get a shoe phone.¹

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¹ Shoe phone offer does not include shoe phone.

Q: It's 5:52AM — do you know where your political strategy went?

A: As one Democratic Senator (can't remember who. some lady. it's very early) explained to the media last night, "This is not a political stunt. This is reality." Unfortunately, that statement proved to be not very realistic.

No, Harry Reid's all-night bloviati-thon is unlikely to have been successful in convincing jackass Republicans, or jackass Liebermans, to force an end to the war — not unless sleep deprivation proves to be as successful a coercion tactic as the CIA claims. (I suspect Reid will have to up the ante next week, to stress positions and eventually waterboarding.)

But Reid can at least claim victory here in the sense that... well, you know... yeah, I can't think of anything.

One reason — perhaps the biggest reason — Congress' approval ratings are so low is because Americans have the impression no one is getting anything done. Spending all night very dramatically not getting anything done, in the midst of a media frenzy, isn't going to help that.

On the other hand, Jerry Lewis did a wonderful job again with the hosting duties.

MEANWHILE: While we waste time and money and lives in Iraq, the people we purport to be fighting, Al-Qaeda, are hosting a little sleepaway camp of their own in Pakistan. Good times.

Q: It's 5AM — do you know where my Senator is?

A: No, seriously, has anyone heard from Ohio Senator Sherrod Brown? I'm worried about the effects staying up all night might have on him. The man already sounds like Tom Waits. If his voice gets any more gravelly, he might start literally coughing up shards of slate.

In case you missed the news, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is proving that the Democrats mean business on the Iraq war by forcing everyone in the Senate to hang out and listen to boring speeches all night.

Actually, they weren't all boring. For instance, Sen. Tom Harkin of Iowa employed some very compelling visual aids:

"Guys, c'mon, I spent like 45 minutes at Kinko's."

I recorded some of the night's other thrilling moments off of C-Span. Here are the highlights:



If Reid is not successful in the effort to end debate over Iraq, aides say he will indeed follow through on his threat to party Karamu fiesta forever.

Q: Is the Bush administration's buffoonery making "The Daily Show" irrelevant?

A: Jon Stewart posed the very question on Wednesday's show, while lambasting the president's hypocritical (or nonsensical, or intentionally deceitful, take your pick) criticism of the Democrats over the war-funding bill. Crooks and Liars was on top of the same story last week.

Of course, it's nothing new for this White House. As America's finest blogger once wrote, "the quickest way to identify the administration's most critical flaws is simply to note whatever they're currently projecting onto opponents and enemies."

Q: What's the matter with kids today, with their hippety hoppity and their love for George W. Bush?

A: These young people today, I tell you! They don't know the value of a dollar. Or anyway, they don't know the plummeting value of the American dollar. Or how things are going in Iraq. Or, like, how to read.

How else can you explain this New York Times poll claiming twentysomethings are more supportive of Bush and the war than any other age group? [via Ross]

Forty-eight percent of Americans 18 to 29 years old said the United States did the right thing in taking military action against Iraq, while 45 percent said the United States should have stayed out. That is in sharp contrast to the opinions of those 65 and older, who have lived through many other wars...

Overall, 34 percent of Americans said they approved of the way the president was handling his job, and 58 percent disapproved. But younger Americans were more approving than older Americans. Forty percent of 18-29 year olds said Mr. Bush was doing a good job, while 56 percent said he was not.

Hipster irony has finally gone too far! LAY OFF THE WEED, PEOPLE. Don't make me side with the crotchety old folks here!

More than one person who lived through the Vietnam war mentioned the draft and the absence of one for this war. "It's because of life experience," said Jimmie Powell, 73, a bartender and factory worker from El Reno, Oklahoma. "I don't think younger people really know a whole lot about anything. They don't care because there is no draft. If there were a draft, we'd finally have the revolution we need."

Yeah! Damn you no-nothing kids, with your respect for authority and your placing trust in the establishment and your rap music! Back in the good old days, the Weather Underground would've burned Washington to the ground by now.

RELATED: No, really, what the fuck is going on here?

Q: War! HUH! Good God, y'all! What is it good for?

A: Absolutely nothin'! More terror, more violence, more human misery.

Of course, we already knew that — but this political cartoon, by Greece's Michael Kountouris, gives me chills anyway.

[Oct. 17, 2006; via definitive pol'toon aggregator Cagle Cartoons]

Proving once again that, when it comes to artful portrayals of the absurdities of war, you just can't beat the Greeks.

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RELATED: God Punishes France With Global Warming, Giant Hornets [Wonkette]. And check out the HILARIOUS, HILARIOUS PUN in the comments. I have no life.

Q: Why did the overextended Sunni cancel his peace talks?

A:

Q: Why did they execute Saddam Hussein so suddenly?

A: Nouri al-Maliki had Saddam in his office Celebrity Death Pool. He had to work fast, because Jalal Talabani had totally struck gold with James Brown.

RELATED: You have less than 11 hours to submit your 2007 Lee Atwater Invitational Death Pool selections at stiffs.com. The entry fee is $15, for a grand prize of $2,007. Which sounds to me like horrible pot odds, but whatever.

I'm off to Chicago for the night, to wring out '06 and ring in '07. See you suckas next year.

Q: What is this morning's least surprising news development? Or should we just call it a three-million way tie?

It's probably a bad sign for the state of international journalism when you look at the morning's headlines and the only surprising answer is in the weather forecast.

Lake Erie: Beginning to look a lot like Christmas?

Not that I'm complaining about the forecast, mind you; I was just outside, and it's a balmy 52°. After this post, I'm heading straight for the beach. Surf's up, beyotch!!

But while I've no problem with thermometers hearkening back to bygone days, I find it disconcerting that the rest of the news is headed the same direction.

Granted, we all approach the news these days expecting a bit of recycled material. You know, things like United States trapped in meaningless quagmire, or Kremlin murders guy who says bad things about Kremlin, or Israeli/Palestinian relations growing tense or Republican president is idiot. It's the nature of history to repeat itself, and the nature of journalists to barely notice. I get all that.

Still, something about today feels even more recycled-er than ever. I initially thought maybe Google News was running a "greatest hits" compilation of the past year, or the past 30 years -- or the past 130 years, considering that Jack the Ripper is evidently still murdering British hookers.

Four stories in particular, though, stand out as particularly unsurprising. Help me choose the unsurprisingest!

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THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO DUH

1) IRAQ WAR = UNPOPULAR: Americans Say U.S. Is Losing War [WaPo]

Look, anyone who reads this blog regularly, which is at least three people, knows that I have always supported things that make the Bush administration look bad (e.g., reality). But the daily polls revealing that people think the war is going poorly -- am I still expected to find this fascinating? Do newspaper editors think I wake up each morning to thoughts of, "Gosh, I wonder if the past 24 hours of bloody mayhem and chaos have led Americans to embrace the war enthusiastically! Where can I get some numbers on that?"

2) JEWS = NUCLEAR: Israel's Olmert under fire over nuclear remarks [Reuters]

Lehrer: 'Who's dated now, bitch?'

Granted, I do appreciate the rather awkward faux pas-ness of this story. The old, "I'm sorry, did I just say we had nuclear weapons? What I meant to say was HEY WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE [runs away]." That's just solid Borscht Belt humor.

My issue with this is more, Since when did we not know Israel had the bomb? I totally didn't know it was supposed to be a secret. Frankly, I'm just glad it wasn't me who let the cat out of the bag. Granted, I base all my information on who does or doesn't have the bomb on a 40-year-old Tom Lehrer song.

3) DAVID DUKE = BIGOT: KKK's David Duke Tells Iran Holocaust Conference That Gas Chambers Not Used to Kill Jews [FOX Cleveland]

You know, I'm just blue-skying here, but it seems like we're getting to a point where we can't trust David Duke's insight on sensitive ethnic issues anymore. I don't want to jump the gun or anything.

Actually, I have to disqualify this story's lack of surprisingness, because I find it way too hilarious that (a) David Duke still gets speaking-engagement work, and (b) in Iran. Let's just pray he's being shadowed by a documentarian, because Live from Tehran, It's David Duke! is going to be the There's Something About Mary of 2007.


4) ANGELINA JOLIE = HOMEWRECKER: Jolie Fell in Love with Pitt while He Was Still Married [E Canada Now]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, so that's how she got inseminated by his sperm!