Q: Why is the U.S. Army now recruiting lions and wardrobes?

A: After a decade of squabbling, the Department of Veteran Affairs is officially recognizing Wicca as a religion. As of Monday, the Wiccan pentacle is among 38 other religious symbols available to be engraved on veterans' headstones.

"I don't know why I bear arms! The Wiccan code says 'Do no harm!'"

As the New York Times reports, those representing Wiccans "attributed the delay to religious discrimination. Many Americans do not consider Wicca a religion, or hold the mistaken belief that Wiccans are devil worshipers."

Wicca, it should be noted, is not Satanic. It's witchcraft. Crazy witchcraft. Although, you know, it's strictly taboooooooooo.

More precisely, Wicca is "a type of pre-Christian belief that reveres nature and its cycles." So, you know, basically Unitarianism with a cooler logo.

By the way, there are 1,800 Wiccans in the U.S. military! Who knew? Also, who knew there were 39 viable religions? Granted, one of the religions is "atheism" (Scientology = surprisingly, refreshingly not listed).

This would be great news for Willow Rosenberg, but unfortunately, the military still doesn't recognize gay as a sexuality.

Q: What is this, a weather blog?

A: Hey, sorry for the recent lack of Surprising Answers^®. I've been focusing my attentions on the aforementioned plans to move somewhere not miserably cold. More on that soon.

In the meantime, here's some stuff to read:

• Remember the two-faced cats who were surely harbingers of the apocalypse? Boing Boing just posted an update on a two-faced cow from Virginia: She's dead, Jim.
• The U.S. military has unveiled a charming new invention to NPR: A heat ray that makes you feel like your flesh is burning. It does no permanent damage, they say, and will be used to disperse crowds, presumably at war protests or for when Congress gets unruly.
• McDonald's owns a lot of words.
• John Kerry is getting uglier.
• And via Gawker, the New York Times makes some absurd claims about this year's Super Bowl commercials.

Speaking of the Super Bowl, congratulations to Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts. No one believed they could pull it off. Well, almost no one. God, I'm a genius.