Q: Even the Mormons hate Dick Cheney!?

A: Yeah! Well, okay, it's the Democrat Mormons.

And, okay, there are only, like, seven Democrat Mormons. Which is pretty anti-Mormon of them, frankly, because Democrats try to do crazy things like tell you how many wives you should have, or tax the insanely wealthy (and no one's insanely wealthier than the Mormons!). And Mormons don't like being told how many wives to have except via divine prophecy¹ — and they don't like being taxed except by the Church.

James Snideman, a senior majoring in Agricultural Management, had held a sign with photographs of Mormon prophet Gordon B. Hinckley and Vice President Dick Cheney. "Prophet vs. Profit" was scrawled across the sign. Snideman was asked to remove it.

"In the past we've had religious leaders that give us advice and counsel about what we're supposed to do with the rest of our lives," Snideman said. "And I'm supposed to hear that from a man who I believe has been very questionable in his dealings? There's a big conflict there."

Warner Woodworth, a professor of Organization Strategy and Leadership, has similar concerns, based on "…the example Cheney sets... We ought to have graduate speakers that are the best choices out there in terms of values and ethics and moral responsibility and personal commitment to good principles."

That standard might make it difficult to find suitable campus speakers, especially among politicians, suggests Mike Otterson, spokesman for Mormon leaders.

"You have to accept at some point that you are inviting people who are not members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and... their standards are a matter for them to take care of. I don't think we can become so self-righteous that we can expect everyone to live as we think they should live in order to qualify as a visitor to the University."

Yeah, c'mon, you smug Democrat Mormons. You can't judge Dick Cheney for not living by your rules! YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF HIM!!! Don't be such racists.

Also, remember to vote for Mitt Romney in '08, and you'll be free to judge all day long.

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¹ And if you don't like it, well, sorry, but neither did Joseph Smith's wife. And here's a good book featuring Cheney's pal Gordon B. Hinckley.