Q: Why did no one mention Zach Galifinakis and Bonnie 'Prince' Billy made a video for Kanye West?

A: I should keep a better eye on my reading list. Whenever I take a few days off, I end up missing something like this:

[via Erin]

Better resolution version here. Commenters on Kanye West's official site seem to think this is an amateur video made by the Amish, but no, the protagonists are comedian Zach Galifinakis (one of America's famousest Greeks) and indie troubadour (and occasional actor) Will Oldham.

Here are a couple Will Oldham songs, because why not.

Bonnie 'Prince' Billy
Love Comes to Me
The Letting Go [buy], 2006

Palace
New Partner
Viva Last Blues [buy], 1995

Oldham's also in R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet, Chapter 22, but I've not had the pleasure of seeing that one yet.

Q: Discomfitingest love song of 2007?

A: I'm nearly finished with Six Feet Under, and this Deerhoof song reminds me of most of the relationships portrayed therein.

Deerhoof
Matchbook Seeks Maniac
Friend Opportunity [buy], 2007

The song's been remixed for the soundtrack to Dedication, directed by Justin Theroux (who, incidentally, portrayed one of the few non-matchbook types on SFU).

I was never much of a Deerhoof fan before, but Friend Opportunity is among the best albums of 2007.

More Six Feet Under/Sopranos analysis forthcoming. I'm holding off, so as to be as irrelevant as possible.

Q: Is Alberto Gonzales just not that into (war crimes trib)you(nals)?

As I came into this lonely house last night
I looked at all my windows but I couldn't find one light

I found you on that road to Mexico
And now, my love, I beg
Please, oh, please, don't go

One day married, next day free
Broken hearts for you and me

It's a sin for you to get a Mexican divorce

Finding love takes so long
Walking out must be wrong

It's a sin for you to get a Mexican divorce

---

The Drifters
Mexican Divorce
The Look of Love: The Burt Bacharach Collection, 1998 [buy]

---

A: Bye bye, dumbass.

Q: In what manner am I going to rock you?

Hint: Not like a tsunami.

A: Look, I know my efforts to get to the West Coast have been an ongoing comedy of automotive error, leaving me to delay my arrival continually and now indefinitely, but this is ridiculous!

• Dean blows chaos into travel plans

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ALT. JOKE: Look, I know I'm hard on our Southern neighbors for producing probably the worst Attorney General in American history, but this is ridiculous!

• Mexico braces for Dean's fury

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ALT. ALT. JOKE, CUZ C'MON, I ONLY GET ONE HURRICANE: Look, I know I hate the Yucatan Peninsula with all my heart, but this is —

• Oh, shit, this one's not very funny at all

Never mind.

(That reminds me, did I ever blog about the time I was a journalist traveling in Haiti a couple months after Hurricane Ivan, and I spent a few hours in the devastated city of Gonaïves, conversing in broken Franglish with a 20-something man who repeatedly and dispassionately stated "Je suis un zombie," because his home and workplace had been destroyed, and both his parents killed, by the mudslides that inevitably follow tropical storms in Haiti (thanks to decades of deforestation and environmental recklessness perpetrated by exploitative consumerist nations such as the United States), leaving him with nothing to do but wander the countryside, starving and alone — a conversation that forced me, for the first time, to confront the unresolvable horror of the majority of human existence, shattering my faith in the restorative powers of journalism and propelling me headlong into a state of confusion, guilt, and terrified detachment forever? BECAUSE IT'S A REAL GAS.)

I'd uploaded this song by the Scorpions, but now it seems kind of gauche.

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RELATED: Hurricane Dean in pictures | More [BBC]

Q: Does MGMT's "Kids" remind you of beer bongs and regular bongs and bonfires and yr halcyon collegiate days?

(And you can tell I'm speaking to The Kids now, because of how I say "yr" where people my age would say "thine." And when I say "The Kids," I of course mean anyone at least 18 months younger than me.)

A: Dear The Kids,

On Monday, I posted a video possibly made by Wesleyan students, or possibly just blogged about by Wesleyan students, hard to know. The backing song to the video was very catchy, but I'd never heard it before. I did a bit of Internet detectiving, and I discovered it to be "Kids" by a Brooklyn band, MGMT, the pride of Cantora Records.

The clown shoe-lookin' muhfuckers of MGMT.

Apparently this song's pretty popular with you, the future of America, perhaps because it's about you; says a commenter on its (totally inaccurate but whatever) SongMeanings lyrics page, "Why wasn't this an enormous hit? This was one of everyone's favorite 3 AM dance party songs freshman year in college." Curious, since I've never heard of it or them, and I'm the coolest cat in all the land.

Anyway, here's the song. If I were dancing high on peyote at 3AM, this would totally do the trick.

MGMT
Kids
Time to Pretend [EP], 2005

Oddly enough, MGMT is touring with Of Montreal and Grand Buffet, two of the only bands I've blogged in recent months. So perhaps MGMT + T.A.M.S.Y. is a match made in heaven 4RL.

(P.S.: If you're a member of MGMT, please say hello. I like the cut of your jib. Also please tell me what your song means, so I can tell The Kids who were asking about it. Unless you're like David Lynch or the Young Michael Stipe and you're disgusted by the very question, which is fine also. Also please don't sue me. In return I promise never to call you synth-pop.)

(P.P.S.: If you're the Josh or Sabrina who made that Dear New Girl or Whatever Your Name Is video, I'd love to know you are. I like the cut of your jib also.)

Q: Oh Mary, can ah run ye hame? (or, What's the meaning of "Cod Liver Oil and Orange Juice"?)

A: Currently in constant rotation, between my iTunes and my brain, is "Cod Liver Oil and Orange Juice," an ode to drunken hookups performed in 1966 by Scottish folk-revivalist Hamish Imlach. Between the Scot slang and Imlach's Glaswegian accent, I barely know what half the song means, and yet I find it entirely irresistible.

Hamish Imlach
Cod Liver Oil and Orange Juice
Hamish Imlach [OOP], 1966

I'm still getting a bunch of hits for my post on the history and meaning of "For What It's Worth", so I thought it might be useful to do the same for "Cod Liver Oil..." But after Googling (and Urban Dictionary-ing) around for a while, I discovered that extensive annotations are already available. Thanks, the Internet!

According to those notes, the song evolved as a take-off of an American spiritual song, "Virgin Mary Had a Little Baby"; the Mary in "Cod Liver Oil" gets pregnant by entirely non-immaculate means in a slum basement. As may be obvious to Brits and/or old people, cod liver oil and orange juice was a concoction commonly served to promote the health of pregnant women and children during WWII. The cod-liver cocktail is still recommended for sufferers of arthritis, and still tastes terrible.


The song is one of many reasons to check out the wonderfully eclectic Transatlantic Story, a four-disc anthology compiling highlights from a British label, Transatlantic Records, that was a favorite of hippies and other drug addicts in the 60s and 70s. The set is apparently out of print, but it's available via Amazon Marketplace for a cool $20.88.

Q: Cream, sugar or Mountain Goats?

A: Morning, yo. Can I interest you in the steamin' hottt new single from Aesop Rock, inexplicably featuring the Mountain Goats?

Aesop Rock
Coffee [ft. John Darnielle]
None Shall Pass, 2007

A-Rock's None Shall Pass hits stores August 28th. Preorder it today, etc. More info @ Definitive Jux.

ELSEWHERE IN HIP-HOP: Common's Finding Forever leaked last week, and it's fantastic, as expected. It could be the hip-hop album of the year — except it's produced by Kanye West, who probably hoarded the sticky-ickiest beats for his own forthcoming album. He is, after all, sort of a dick. Anyway, stay tuned.

EARLIER: Hip-hop sucks in '07? (Hint: No)

Q: Hip-hop sucks in '07?

A: Hip-hop sales are down. Some will say it's because hip-hop in '07 sucks, and while they may have a point there, hip-hop sucking is nothing new, as DJ Shadow can tell you:



(Ironically, after DJ Shadow got famous and made a bunch of money, he went on to make a hip-hop album that sucked.)

Anyway, Aaron Pressman at Business Week has an insight into why sales are down beyond suckage — and here too, it's the money.

Regardless, and also irregardless, there's plenty of good hip-hop out there, if you're willing to look for it. Here are two recent favorites, from two very different rap duos, Seattle's socially conscious Blue Scholars, and Pittsburgh's stream-of-consciousness Grand Buffet.

Blue Scholars
Back Home
Bayani, 2007

Grand Buffet
Dark Autumn
The Haunted Fucking Gazebo, 2007

Or if you don't want to download the files, you can hear 'em via this fancy new Box.net widget I got going:



Grand Buffet gets bonus points for naming their EP The Haunted Fucking Gazebo, and for featuring Columbus indie-rockers Gil Mantera's Party Dream on the second track. Blue Scholars just get bonus points for putting out one of the best rap albums of the year.

In other news, the new Kanye West mix tape is totally sweet.

Q: What are Jay-Z's 99 non-bitch-related problems?

99 PROBLEMS JAY-Z HAS, NONE OF WHICH IS A BITCH:

• Mild indigestion
• Wants to switch to Cingular; still has 18 months remaining on contract with T-Mobile
• Can't remember where he put iPod
  
• Neighborhood convenience store no longer carries favorite variety of Fresh Samantha
• Comeback album kind of boring
• Got the rap patrol on the gat patrol
• Is being attacked by 92 Jack Russell Terriers (all male)
• LeBron

---

Jay-Z vs. The Beatles
99 Problems
Danger Mouse Presents the Grey Album, 2004

SPEAKING OF WHICH: I always wondered what having the rap patrol on the gat patrol entailed, exactly. Hurray for rapper Wikipedia.

Q: Who's yr Commander Guy?

A: He's yr Commander Guy:



Yes sir! He's also still yr decider.

Cleveland Steamers
"The Decider"
Treasure Chest, 2006 buy it!]

Also, as it happens, yr flip-flopper. [via Sully]

Q: Has the White Stripes' album "Icky Thump" leaked?

CALICO JAK SEZ: No. Sorr(rrrrrr)y, White Stripes fans.

UPDATE: Yes. -- 6/7/7, 5:58PM

Your recent Googling habits indicate there may be some confusion on this point, so just to clarify: Icky Thump the album, has not leaked. "Icky Thump" the song, however, has leaked — in three distinct forms:

1. The Web-ripped live version posted on Idolator last week.
2. A three-minute, 50-second edited-for-radio version, which is — like all things edited for radio — strictly for sallies and pinkos.
3. The authentic four-minute, 17-second album version, in all its glory, presented for your listening pleasure here courtesy of your friends and lovers @ The Answer May Surprise You.

The White Stripes
"Icky Thump"
Icky Thump, 2007 [mp3 expired]

UPDATE: Something called Web Sheriff just asked me to remove the song, on behalf of European continent, or something. Full C&D posted in the comments. -- [05/01/07, 2:45PM]

UPDATE #2: Never mind. I think Web Sheriff was under the impression I'd leaked the entire album. -- [05/01/07, 2:56PM]

Simply delicious.

The album hits U.S. stores on June 19th; pre-order it from Amazon today, and you might even receive it early. Hurray.

MORE ON: Getting excited about Icky Thump!
SUBSCRIBE TO: Caliko Jak's Album Leak Alert.

Q: How did no one die in the Oakland highway tanker explosion?

A: Good thing it happened at 3:45AM. And that the tanker was being driven by Bruce Willis' character in Unbreakable.


But really this is just an excuse to post a song from one of the best albums of 2007.

Andrew Bird
"Fiery Crash"
Armchair Apocrypha [buy it], 2007

AP: Fiery Crash Collapses Bay Area Freeway

Speaking of the Bay Area, my aforementioned relocation has been postponed a bit. More news on that when I have it.

Q: Have you heard the new Aesop Rock track?

A: Check out "None Shall Pass," a preview of Aesop Rock's next LP — plus nine other hot tracks, c/o hip-hop label Definitive Jux — over on [adult swim]. Here's a deep-link for the lazy:

Aesop Rock
"None Shall Pass"
Definitive Swim, 2007

If you want to hear the others, you gotta check out the site.

Oh, and hey, Idolator: Björk's Volta just leaked fo' real.

Q: Was it something that he said? Are the voices in your head calling "Gloria"?

A: "Gloria, don't you think you're fallin'? If everybody wants you, WHY ISN'T ANYBODY CALLIN'!?"

Man, no wonder Gloria is headed for a breakdown. Her friend is such a dick.

Laura Branigan
"Gloria"
Branigan, 1982

Anyone who says T.A.M.S.Y. doesn't come through with the hottest dance hits of 1982 is a dirty liar.

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AND BECAUSE I'M SURE YOU CARE: Here are some surprisinger facts about Laura Branigan!

• She began her professional music career as a backup singer for Leonard Cohen.
• Although "Gloria" was her first and probably biggest hit, Branigan wasn't the first artist to perform it. The song is actually a translated cover of a 1979 song by Umberto Tozzi. Strange, huh? But you what would be even stranger, would be if someone were to post the original Italian music video on YouTube. Oh hey look:
  
  
  
  Does anyone out there speak Italian? I'm curious as to whether the original lyrics follow the same theme of tormenting the mentally ill.
• Her 1983 follow-up album, Branigan 2 (she was like the Led Zeppelin of synth-heavy power ballads), featured a song called "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You," co-written by a not-yet-famous person named Michael Bolton. How innocent we were!
• Branigan appeared as herself in an episode of CHiPs, "Fox Trap". She was something of a fox herself.
• In 2004, Branigan died of a brain aneurysm in her sleep, at the age of 47. This seems like as good a time as any to mention: If you have a really bad headache that won't go away, see a doctor, yo.

YOU KNOW WHAT TOTALLY SUCKS? When you've just finished writing a moderately irrelevant, probably overlong blog post, and you discover that most everything you wrote was already covered elsewhere by Canadians. (Except for the part about the Umberto Tozzi music video — YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME, CANADA.)

Q: Why is the grass always greener on the other Earth?

A: Did you hear about how global warming is, like, solved? No, it wasn't the announcement of the Spinal Tap benefit reunion. It was the recent discovery of an AWESOME NEW PLANET!

They're calling it Second Earth. So pack those bags, baby! We're MOVIN' ON UP — TO THE GLIESE SIDE!!!

AP: Potential Habitable Planet Found

For the first time astronomers have discovered a planet outside our solar system that is potentially habitable, with Earth-like temperatures, a find researchers described Tuesday as a big step in the search for "life in the universe."

The planet is just the right size, might have water in liquid form, and in galactic terms is relatively nearby at 120 trillion miles away. But the star it closely orbits, Gliese 581, known as a "red dwarf," is much smaller, dimmer and cooler than our sun.

Wow, that sounds a lot like my high school. There were quite a few kids smaller and dimmer than me, but they were all way, way cooler.

But hang on, they expect us to believe that some "red dwarf" is cooler than our precious, precious sun?


I mean, a "red dwarf" sounds like he plays a lot of D&D and makes constant snickering references to the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow, am I right?

Well, turns out I'm not right. I called some of my friends at NASA this morning, and the evidence they just sent me is pretty conclusive: Our sun is, comparatively, a total nerd. Click to enlarge:


My NASA friends also revealed the reason the grass is always greener on Second Earth: Despite being smaller and dimmer, Second Sun is so totally cool that it gets other, smarter stars to do its photosynthesis for it, while it makes out with its hot girlfriend, a varsity volleyball player, in the woods behind school. Wow, that is one cool dude.

I don't know about you, but I'm DONE with the Milky Way.

The Velvet Underground
Who Loves the Sun
Loaded, 1970

It's a galaxy full of losers, and I'm pulling out of here to win!!!

Q: Does someone still love you, Boris Yeltsin?

Yeah, I know Russians don't drink Absolut. Just go with it.

A: I sort of hate this band (sorry, greater blogging community), but what the hell. It's a special occasion.

Someone Still Loves You
Boris Yeltsin
"Oregon Girl"
Broom, 2006

"Oregon Girl" once appeared on The O.C. It is perhaps the least distasteful song on the band's much bloggihooed debut album, Broom, which you can buy here, or whatever.

---

So hey, former president of Russia Boris Yeltsin is dead at 76. My condolences go out to anybody who still loved him.

Yeltsin will go down in history as Russia's first democratically elected leader evs, and the country's most politically progressive and least dictatorial since, oh, the guy who came immediately before him. He drank a lot of vodka, he killed a lot of Chechnyans, he drank a lot more vodka, he fixed a bunch of things, he fucked up a bunch of things, he resigned when everyone was distracted by Y2K terror, he drank a lot of vodka and he generally left Americans confused as to whether they were supposed to like him.

We thought he seemed like a swell guy — he never threatened to crush us, and he was always smiling and waving friendly hand signals.


At least, I think they were friendly hand signals. It's a fine line between the peace sign and "I'll take two vodkas."

One thing we can never take away from Mr. Yeltsin is his proving to the Western world that Russians named Boris aren't all bumbling caricatures who hang out with women named Natasha.


Some of them, we learned, hang out with women named Naina.

Ah, but Boris, comrade — I keed, I keed. I'm sure it couldn't have been easy, the whole trying to build a newly de-Commied nation of 140 million from the ground up thing. Your administration may have been riddled with corruption and confusion, but old Soviet habits die hard, I'm sure. Hell, just look at the dude running things now.

POSTSCRIPT: Further reading...

• Yeltsin Factoids [Reuters]
• Comments on his passing from world leaders [Guardian]
• Comments on his passing from crazy CNN viewers [CNN]
• "Yeltsin known for gaffes, off-colour jokes" [Reuters/ABC]

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PREVIOUSLY IN OBITS: Don Ho, shocker of monkeys.

Q: What else is going on today?

A: I swear there was something else I wanted to mention about today, but I can't remember.

Kronos Quartet & Asha Bhosle
Dum Maro Dum (Take Another Toke)
You've Stolen My Heart: Songs from R.D. Burman's Bollywood, 2005

The rest of the album is also stellar, btw.

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ALSO: Albie Gonzales celebrated 4/20 early | Deport him!

(I'll stop talking about Alberto now, I swear.)

Q: Has John McCain lost lost lost / lost lost his mind?

A: Someone might want to hit the brakes on the Straight Talk Express before it flies off the tracks.

WASH. POST: McCain sings "bombs" to Iran

Republican 2008 presidential hopeful John McCain crooned the words "Bomb Iran" to a Beach Boys' tune in joking response to a question about any possible U.S. attack over Tehran's suspected nuclear weapons program.

"That old Beach Boys song, Bomb Iran ... bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb," the Vietnam War veteran warbled softly to the band's "Barbara Ann" when he was asked when the United States would send an "airmail message" to Iran.

In McCain's defense, the reporter like totally started it.

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Rockin' and a-rollin', rockin' and a-reelin'

When Brian Wilson's the least crazy guy in the room, you know there's a problem.

The Beach Boys
Barbara Ann
Beach Boys' Party!, 1965

DID YOU KNOW? "Barbara Ann" isn't a Beach Boys original; the Regents originally recorded it four years earlier. As Wikipedia notes, the Boys' version features an uncredited Dean Torrence (of Jan and Dean fame) harmonizing with Wilson.

By the way, the guy who wrote "Barbara Ann" is Iranian.

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POSTSCRIPT: It should be noted McCain is far from the first person to come up with a "Bomb Iran" parody. Vince Vance and the Valiants first recorded a version of the song in 1979, during the hostage crisis; a subsequent recording of "Bomb Iran" became a number one hit, according to the band's bio (Fassert wasn't a fan, says Wikipedia).

A year ago, cartoonist Adam Kontras created Let's Bomb Iran! to protest/parody the Bush administration.

video here also

Q: What is the hottest American obsession of 1985?

A: I forgot to include this in yesterday's Sanjaya/meth post.

Animotion
Obsession
Animotion, 1985

I always liked this one hit from two-hit wonder Animotion, even if their name is as silly as their hair.

Q: Don't you know you're going to shock the monkey!?

A: I really wanted to post an mp3 of "Tiny Bubbles" in tribute to Don Ho, but it turns out that I don't own any Don Ho albums. I did, however, find this inexplicable cover of Peter Gabriel's "Shock the Monkey":

Don Ho
"Shock the Monkey"
When Pigs Fly, 2002

When Pigs Fly is an extremely bizarre and yet strangely listenable covers album. It opens with Ani DeFranco and Jackie Chan covering Nat King Cole's "Unforgettable."

And just because why the hell not, here's Gabriel's "popular and somewhat disturbing" "Monkey" video:



I always thought he was saying "shock the monkey tonight!" It turns out it's "shock the monkey to life!" As in, "WE'RE GOING TO NEED TO DEFIBRILLATE THIS MONKEY STAT!!!"

Like the video, this'd make more sense if either of us were high.

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P.S.: I checked elbo.ws, and it turns out Idolator has "Tiny Bubbles." They also beat me to the punch on "Shock the Monkey." Damn you, Denton.

ALSO:
Amazon is stocking the Monkees tonight | Sock the monkey