Q: Well, what else is new?

A: New York officials say Manhattan stink may be New Jersey’s fault.

EARLIER: Terrible smell probably New Jersey.

Q: What are my NFL playoff predictions?

A: One of my predictions is already going to be wrong, so I'd better get this baby up quick...

Wild Card Weekend

• COLTS over CHIEFS
• COWBOYS over SEAHAWKS (UPDATE: Oopsie daisy. I'd made a joke here, but I hate to make light of an impending suicide)
  
• PATRIOTS over JETS (btw, the Jets made the playoffs? wtf?)
• EAGLES over GIANTS

Whatever They Call Next Weekend

• COLTS over RAVENS
• PATS over CHARGERS (Bill Belichick = sneaky bastard)
  
• COWBOYS over BEARS (UPDATE: But seriously, someone better drive Tony Romo home)
• EAGLES over SAINTS (sorry, New Orleans, The Lord God hates American sports; like, for instance, how one month after 9/11, the New York Yankees lose Game 7 of the World Series in preposterously unlikely fashion, with Mariano Rivera on the mound, to the expansion Arizona Diamondbacks, which, by the way -- it's probably fair to admit after all this time -- was totally hilarious)
  

League Championships

• COLTS over PATS (see below)
• EAGLES over COWBOYS (bonus prediction: Jeff Garcia throws four touchdowns in the win, followed immediately by the Cuyahoga River exploding into flames)
  

Super Bowl XLI

• COLTS over EAGLES, 31-28.

WHY I'M PICKING THE COLTS

By all accounts, the Indianapolis Colts are the worst they've been in several years. Given how the last several years have played out for Peyton Manning (superb, record-breaking regular seasons, followed by miserably embarrassing playoff defeats), the Rules Of Sports In The Era Of All-Encompassing And Quite Frankly Boring Parity decree that this is the year they go all the way.

It will be a great travesty, and lead to a summer in which literally every ad on television features Manning in a costume and/or talking in a funny voice and/or being ridiculed by Tony Dungy. Also, the Cleveland Browns will be universally lauded for their savvy first-round draft pick, leading to great disappointment when, two months later, the player is mauled to death by bears. Happy 2007!

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DON'T FORGET: WhyWahooWeeps, the delightful Cleveland sports blog, is coming soon.

IN THE MEANTIME: Discarded Cowboys QB Drew Bledsoe has much to celebrate on "his" famous blog.

Q: Don't kids say the darnedest things?

A: They sure do. Like, for instance, this one little boy, John Edwards, says he wants to be pwesident! Isn't that just adorable!?

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If you want to know how excited I am for John Edwards' candidacy, I have two answers -- one for each of the two Americas.

In the first America, I am not at all excited, because Edwards is a reminder of the shallowness of the Democratic candidate pool (Barack not withstanding, obvs). In the second America, I am conflicted, because although I long to make fun of him, it seems unfair to ridicule such an innocent and adorable child.

Here's the video of John Edwards announcing his intentions to announce his intention of running for president. The news broke, appropriately, on Rocketboom, which is very popular with the kiddies¹.



To Edwards' credit, he does seem to have a better grasp of his own talking points than he did last campaign. For instance, he seems to know what several of the words mean (I mean, aside from when he says he wants to get engaged in genocide).

Once you get past his wide-eyed idealism, though, is there any there there?

Edwards might be saying all the right things (or, at least, saying what the kids want to hear) -- but the average digg.com user could cough up the same shpiel, as could Ned Lamont, as could I.

Take away the photogenic smile and the handlers arming him with sellable talking points; does Edwards have the cunning to get shit done in the Oval Office? Good thing we'll never find out, because the answer would likely disappoint you.

ANDBYTHEWAY: Edwards' online campaign headquarters is still OneAmericaCommittee.com. Which is kind of funny, because didn't the "two Americas" concept flop pretty badly last election? Does the Edwards camp really think rephrasing a bombed slogan is the best bet they have? Did they prepay for several hundred years rights to the URL in 2003, and can't afford to cut their losses?

It's things like this that make me confident that Edwards '08 ain't gonna fly. What worries me is the possibility of his adorable face being enough to snag the Dems' nomination. Please, God, no. To be continued.

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¹ On a semi-related note, what the hell is going on with this Rocketboom interview? Do all of their breaking news briefs begin with 20 seconds of trying to figure out how the camera works? Are they trying to out-unprofessional Amanda Congdon? Is new media trying to out-retard old media? Is a smokin' rack the new large brain? Are dim-witted hotties the new intelligencia? Does this mean John Edwards is going to win? Am I crying hysterically right now?

Q: Is T.A.M.S.Y. prepared to call the Senate race?

A: Yes. The media's not going to declare it 'til dawn, at the earliest, but the T.A.M.S.Y. spidey sense is never wrong.

Book it, bank it, bronze it, put it in your pipe and smoke it: Democrats win. Tyranny loses. History is made. Karl Rove cries. Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows. You heard it here first.