Q: Why why why is Honduran lobster fisherman David Henson McNab still in an American prison?

A: I don't mean to alarm you, but once in a while, I get the sense that George W. Bush's performance as President of the United States is subpar.

(I hope you're sitting down.) Sometimes I feel as though, were I in his shoes, I might conducts things differently, vis a vis prioritizing.

Not to challenge your conceptions of reality, but here and there I suspect the U.S. criminal justice system could use a teensy bit of tweaking.

This would be all three of those times. [via Sully, again]

Also, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-
HH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHEN I AM ELECTED PRESIDENT: I am going to explode the record for Presidential pardons and clemencies. I'm going to grant like 100-10,000 of them per day.

I will make time for this by not attending boring galas. Also, freeing innocent people from prison seems like it would be way more fun than Camp David. I don't think this makes me a heroic person. I'm pretty sure it just makes me not a complete asshole.

EARLIER: Speaking of reasons to scream maniacally, Genarlow Wilson.

Q: When did I become an old person?

A: The early '90s — if "old person" can be defined as "anyone who regularly enjoys Car Talk." And I'm sure we can agree it can.

Which brings me to my actual Q: Who do Click and Clack think they are, trying to charge me actual American cents for their fricking podcast?

A: Apparently, being National Public Radio's most popular show¹ has gone to their heads. While the "Clip of the Week" is offered for free via iTunes, the full show will set you back $.95 per episode. That's like fifty bucks a year, and it doesn't even come with a stylish tote bag!

How can a public radio show charge me for a download of something I'm already (theoretically) funding to be broadcast on my local station? Isn't public radio already owned by the public? By which I mean me? Because you're fired, the Tappet brothers!

Click, Clack: I paid for those tuxes, you Bostonian bastards.

The good news is that This American Life is now a free podcast. And you don't even have to be an old person to enjoy it.

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¹ I can't find citation of this, nor can Wikipedia (see: 2nd graf), but Ira Glass made that claim on TAL, so I'm going to go ahead and assume it's true.