Q: What eats, doesn't shoot, and leaves?

A: A Capitol Hill mugger! The wine-and-cheese-gunman story is getting picked up everywhere, but if you haven't seen it yet, it's worth a read.

Q: Will Mike Bloomberg run for president as an independent?

Mike Bloomberg: Redefines 'green' party

A: He's thinking about it, says the Washington Post. With no pressing need to get a jump on fundraising (millionaires may need your support, but billionaires don't), NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg wouldn't announce his candidacy until early '08, the Post writes.

Market-savvy as he is, Bloomberg might realize that his best chance for the White House, in the current political atmosphere, is to disassociate himself from the idiocy of both parties and run indie-stizz.

Publicly, the Democrat-turned-Republican professes no interest in the top job at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. But the founder of the Bloomberg financial news empire has dropped enough hints and has had enough tantalizing discussions with potential supporters that people who observe the city's politics for a living are convinced he is at least thinking about it.

T.A.M.S.Y. implicitly distrusts billionaires, media moguls and anyone who's ever been mayor of New York City — but we might be willing to make an exception for Bloomberg. For God's sake, even the Rev. Al Sharpton likes him!

"He would be a very compelling candidate," said civil rights activist Al Sharpton, himself a once and potentially future presidential hopeful from the Big Apple, and a friend of the mayor's. Sharpton called Bloomberg "Ross Perot with a résumé" and predicted that "if he operates as he's done in other parts of his life, he will put both feet in."

If the rumors turn out to be true, this leaves open the possibility that the 2008 race for the White House could be a three-horse race between a current New York senator, a former New York City mayor and the current mayor. As if New Yorkers needed another reason to be solipsistic bastards?

Of course, in the nightmare night-terror scenario where Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giuliani win their parties' respective noms, I'd jump at the opportunity to vote for "Ross Perot with a résumé." At that point, I'd be willing to settle for just plain Ross Perot.

Q: Why is Marcel Duchamp rolling dans sa tombe?

A: Because heaven recently installed wireless Internet¹ — allowing M. Duchamp to visit the Official Online Guide to his onetime 'hood, Greenwich Village.

Duchamp's epitaph translates to "Anyway, it's always other people that die." By which he means, "Why is my tomb so fricking crowded?"

"For over 100 years," the site reads, "this small area below 14th Street and west of Broadway has been a Mecca to the creative, rebellious and Bohemian. Although today no starving artists could afford to live here," SO DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT YOU GODDAMN BEATNIKS, "the vibe still lingers and the beat goes on!" And by "vibe," they mean "odor," and by "the beat," they mean the Blue Man Group hitting things with sticks.

T.A.M.S.Y. SAYS: Kind of dickish to flaunt your preposterous rents right there on the front page, the Village. Your site is already an affront to artists. You don't have to rub it in.

On the bright side, the Village is still rat-infested, which is sort of like being bohemian.

RELATED: The cover of The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan was photographed in the Village. This was back when Dylan actually lived there, and before freewheelin' was banned.

EARLIER: Big gay riot | Why is Disney rolling in his fridge?

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¹ Hell got wireless like five years ago, but only because Circle #2 loves them some porn. L'Enfer, c'est les O.P.P.!