Q: Does what goes around come around, and also vice versa?

A: You best believe it, bitches. And when I say "bitches," I mean "esteemed readers." Anywaysies: for evidence of the above eternal truth, look no further than tonight's karma-heavy headlines.

#1) The Toronto Star: Church to probe priest who fondled Foley.

Dayyyayumn, church! That is some serious eye-for-an-eye shit, Old Testament-stizzazz!

Now all we need is for several congressional pages to rape that church's congregation, and the circle of fuck will finally be complete. At which point we can go back to our normal lives, hunting down the killer of JonBenet Ramsey.

#2) MLB.com: Cameras notice spot on [Kenny] Rogers' hand.

Wow. The implications of this story are so intense, I can't even begin to make sense of them. In fact, I have literally no idea what any of that story means.

Do note, however, that the cameras were probably biased, as they have sought revenge on Kenny Rogers ever since he punched one of them in the face a year ago. Revenge is sweet, isn't it, cameras? Not sweet enough to mess with Rogers' bizarre mutation into Cy Young, but sweet nonetheless. Or whatever.

The moral of the story is, don't fuck with cameras or Florida churches, unless you want to get accused of cheating and anally violated. If you enjoy both, however, I recommend punching a cameraman at a Miami baptism.

Q: Is it hot in here, or is it just my 16-year-old page?

A: Good news is pouring into T.A.M.S.Y. today from Washington D.C.'s drunken witch doctors, a.k.a. the pollsters.

"Democrats have big lead after sex scandal," crows the Reuters headline, with new polls from Gallup and CNN showing the Dems up by an astounding 23 and 21 points, respectively. All of which bodes well for Blue Man Group's chances of overtaking the Red Army come Election Day. Huzzah, yay, etc.

As tough as times are, though, for Mark Foley and his former peers in the Republican-led Congress, the Washington Post wants you to know that it's even worse than you think. Apparently, it's not just their careers at stake anymore; the Republicans' incompetence now threatens to destroy the entire Earth:


I'm not a scientist, so I'm not entirely clear on what all this has to do with global warming. My theory: Ohio voters' passion for Senate candidate Sherrod Brown now burns so hot that it's melting the ozone. Either that, or Foley had a long weekend of instant messaging.

So when you punch out your ballot this Election Day, dear readers, T.A.M.S.Y. implores you to keep two things in mind: Remember to vote Democrat, and don't forget to wear sunscreen.

BTW: Sorry T.A.M.S.Y.'s been so quiet lately. Also, sorry T.A.M.S.Y.'s been so ugly. I recently upgraded to Blogger Beta (powered by my beloved Google!), and it's great, except no one mentioned that I was going to have to learn XML in order to make it look right. I should get around to that one of these days, or whatever.