Q: Why are PETA members cancelling their NBA season tickets?

A: Haha, just kidding! Emotionally crippled hippies don't care about sports. They're trying to reject their fathers, not bond with them, duh.

But in a fantasyworld where PETA members did buy NBA season tickets, they almost certainly would be cancelling them now that commish David Stern is doing an uncharacteristic 180 and returning to leather balls, reports ESPN.com's Marc Stein:

It might be the most stunning ball reversal in hoops history.

Not even three months into the life of its controversial synthetic basketball, NBA commissioner David Stern moved Monday to hush scores of discontented players by shelving Spalding's new microfiber composite ball and authorizing a switch back to the old leather ball for all games starting Jan. 1.

"Our players' response to this particular composite ball has been consistently negative and we are acting accordingly," Stern said in a statement. "Although testing performed by Spalding and the NBA demonstrated that the new composite basketball was more consistent than leather and statistically there has been an improvement in shooting, scoring and ball-related turnovers, the most important statistic is the view of our players."

Hahahaha, everyone's in a joking mood today! Oh, wait, he was being serious. Odd, considering it was just six weeks ago that ESPN's Chris Sheridan wrote, following a conversation with Stern, "No matter what the players say, the new NBA ball is here to stay."

See, what Stern really means to say is that the new ball (which PETA really did try to take credit for, by the way) is causing actual injuries. It's not the pain that'd concern him so much as the fact that having Steve Nash's hands fall off would be bad for business. Stein continues:

ESPN.com reported Friday that league officials began contacting all 30 teams late last week to start gauging its supply of leftover leather balls from last season in case the decision to switch came quickly.

The hope now, according to sources, is that the league can get a playable supply of leather balls to each team by Christmas...

Say, that might be a tall order -- maybe even too tall for the NBA! Didn't Isiah Thomas trade the Knicks' stash of leather basketballs for a set of Lincoln Logs and Brian Scalabrine or something?

Holy mother of God... this is a disaster!! How will the league EVER be able to find so much leather -- and at the height of the frantic holiday shopping season!?!?!

BREAKING: DISASTER STRIKES NBA! SEASON TO BE CANCELLED! CHRISTMAS IS RUINED!!!!!

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Well. Well. Well.

Look who's gone and saved the NBA's sorry ass once again. Oh Bron-Bron -- you're T.A.M.S.Y.'s hero!

(But probably not Susie's.)

Q: Have you seen the new Ubuntu release?

A: Via SexyTeenageSusie and xkcd:By the way, I thought Ubuntu was like an art-house filmmaker. Still funny. Also funny, also via Sooze (and ToothpasteForDinner):

Q: Did I leave my heart in San Francisco?

A: No, although I did leave several veins there once. Still, at least 57% of my left ventricle remains in the city that never sleeps and barely slept with me, N to the Y to the mofo'ing C. It's a conflict 'tween East and West that threatens to tear me asunder like so much Kit Kat bar, as I look to plot my next move from here in Cleve-O.

So here's a little song about nostalgia for the Big Apple -- from of all locales, Sweden's Herman Düne, who are much like their countryman Mr. Jens Lekman except minus the unbearable droning idiocy. If you can even tolerate Lekman (which many people inexplicably do), you'll want to make sweet unprotected love to Düne's new album, Giant. And I'm not just saying that because we're MySpace besties.

Herman Düne - Take Him Back to New York City [expired]
Giant, 2006

That one goes out to Sexy Teenage Susie in B to the R to the mofo'ing Ooklyn. And if you kiddies enjoyed that, perhaps you'll enjoy this music video, "I Wish That I Could See You Soon," the album's first single.

Love them crazy Swedes!

Q: Are Mets fans silent, deadly?

A: No, they're loud, obnoxious and deadly. But it's QUIET funny that you mention that, because the Mets and Cardinals are in the middle of QUIET a battle.

ESPN.com told me so QUIET recently.

OH SNAP EMBARASSING TYPO!

[NOTE: My blog is slowly becoming the crazy old man who writes daily letters to his local paper listing punctuation errors. DEAL WITH IT.]

Also, Endy Chavez just made what will probably be --especially if the Mets win -- considered the greatest catch in postseason history (suck it, Willie Mays), to rob St. Louis' Scott Rolen of a two-run homer.

Of course, T.A.M.S.Y. hates all teams from New York, but it really was a snazzy little catch. Congratulations to Endy, baseball player and huge fan of The Answer May Surprise You.

ALSO: Sexy Teenage Susie recently linked me to this kickass New Yorker story about clumsy kajillionaire Steve Wynn and his enormous drunken elbow. Very entertaining.