It's probably a bad sign for the state of international journalism when you look at the morning's headlines and the only surprising answer is in the weather forecast.
Lake Erie: Beginning to look a lot like Christmas?
Not that I'm complaining about the forecast, mind you; I was just outside, and it's a balmy 52°. After this post, I'm heading straight for the beach.
Surf's up, beyotch!!
But while I've no problem with thermometers hearkening back to bygone days, I find it disconcerting that the rest of the news is headed the same direction.
Granted, we all approach the news these days expecting a bit of recycled material. You know, things like
United States trapped in meaningless quagmire, or
Kremlin murders guy who says bad things about Kremlin, or
Israeli/Palestinian relations growing tense or
Republican president is idiot. It's the nature of history to repeat itself, and the nature of journalists to barely notice. I get all that.
Still, something about today feels even more recycled-er than ever. I initially thought maybe
Google News was running a "greatest hits" compilation of the past year, or the past 30 years -- or the past 130 years, considering that
Jack the Ripper is evidently
still murdering British hookers.
Four stories in particular, though, stand out as particularly unsurprising. Help me choose the unsurprisingest!
THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO DUH
1) IRAQ WAR = UNPOPULAR: Americans Say U.S. Is Losing War [
WaPo]
Look, anyone who reads this blog regularly, which is at least three people, knows that I have always supported
things that make the Bush administration look bad (e.g., reality). But the daily polls revealing that people think the war is going poorly -- am I still expected to find this fascinating? Do newspaper editors think I wake up each morning to thoughts of, "Gosh, I wonder if the past 24 hours of bloody mayhem and chaos have led Americans to embrace the war enthusiastically! Where can I get some numbers on that?"
2) JEWS = NUCLEAR: Israel's Olmert under fire over nuclear remarks [
Reuters]
Lehrer: 'Who's dated now, bitch?'
Granted, I do appreciate the rather awkward
faux pas-ness of this story. The old, "I'm sorry, did I just say we had nuclear weapons? What I meant to say was HEY WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE [runs away]." That's just solid Borscht Belt humor.
My issue with this is more, Since when did we not know Israel had the bomb? I totally didn't know it was supposed to be a secret. Frankly, I'm just glad it wasn't me who let the cat out of the bag. Granted, I base all my information on who does or doesn't have the bomb on a
40-year-old Tom Lehrer song.
3) DAVID DUKE = BIGOT: KKK's David Duke Tells Iran Holocaust Conference That Gas Chambers Not Used to Kill Jews [
FOX Cleveland]
You know, I'm just blue-skying here, but it seems like we're getting to a point where we can't trust David Duke's insight on sensitive ethnic issues anymore. I don't want to jump the gun or anything.
Actually, I have to disqualify this story's lack of surprisingness, because I find it way too hilarious that (a) David Duke still gets speaking-engagement work, and (b) in Iran. Let's just pray he's being shadowed by a documentarian, because
Live from Tehran, It's David Duke! is going to be the
There's Something About Mary of 2007.
4) ANGELINA JOLIE = HOMEWRECKER: Jolie Fell in Love with Pitt while He Was Still Married [
E Canada Now]
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, so
that's how she got inseminated by his sperm!
