Q: Is the free world's most loathed enemy finally dead?

A: I just received a phone call from my close personal friend Fidel Castro, who is reporting to T.A.M.S.Y. exclusively that Perez Hilton is dead.

The official announcement will be made sometime in the next 65 years.

Everyone in Los Angeles, please be mindful of each other's flaws, and keep your cocaine intake below .05 grams.

UPDATE: Fidel just texted me this photo:

Q: Why can't you trust a conservative blogger?

A: Because they're full of shit, obvs. Even conservative politicians know that.

(Of course, this doesn't apply to Sean the WASP, whom, like all regular T.A.M.S.Y. readers, you can trust implicitly.)

Q: What are you doing right this minute?

A: Nothing! Nothing important! With that in mind, I urge you to run not walk to The Best Stuff in the World and vote for T.A.M.S.Y.!

The Best Stuff in the World, by the way, is the totally awesomeest way to waste time I've ever seen in my whole life, and I've seen a lot of wasted time. It's sort of like its Web 2.0 brethren digg or del.icio.us or YouTube, except instead of aggregating your favorite articles or Web sites or amateur guitar videos, it aggregates everything in existence -- like, for instance, these things...


-- and then lets you vote for those things as "the best" in any category that you can find and/or think of. Like, for instance, these things:

• The Best Director.
• The Best People to Have Crushes On (vote for Starbucks Baristas, obvs).
• The Best Beatles Song
• The Best Breasts.
• The Best Web 2.0 Site.
• The Best Moustache (vote for Mario, obvs).

Don't see a candidate you like? Add him or her or it yourself, along with some hot stolen borrowed pictures and a description! And then nominate it for more categories, including some you just invented! And then try to explain to me why no one knows about this!? It's like Wikipedia's hotter but slightly retarded younger sister!!! BEST THING EVER!!!!

So anyways. Last night, I noticed that the Best Blog category was looking a little anemic, so I racked my brain to think of a good candidate and then realized, Oh, right, MINE. And then I noticed there were some other categories that seemed logical choices, like "The Best Site For Answers," and "The Best Humorous Blog," and "The Best Thing To Do After Sex." And then I voted the shit out of them.

The problem is that I just checked my tally and it now looks like this.


Oh God, the embarassment. The shame. The weeping and gnashing of teeth. It's bad enough to spend 10 minutes voting for yourself in a popularity contest no one's heard of without some jerkoff negative-voting for you a few hours later. UPDATE: There's no such thing as negative voting. I had accidentally canceled my own vote. So I'm the only jerkoff here. Yay!

The good news is that I'm still only two votes behind Gawker. So please, readers, let your voices be heard! So that my voice can be heard of! By 20 people in Australia!

Q: You like make chit-chat about popular music, space rocket, new ways trap Gypsies?

A: If so, become MySpace friends with popular star of film and television Borat today. He's now rocking the blogosphere -- and he already seems at least as computer-savvy as Tom!





You like? You might also enjoy Borat's non-video blog -- e.g., this post where he clears up misconceptions about Kazakhstan.

The movie-film hits the US&A November 3rd.

the official blog of the official web site of the officially unemployed dean simakis

Q: what does it mean when you have more blogs than friends?

A: blogs love you more than people ever could.

but specifically, i started this blog because i am deeply in love with a woman. she slipped into my bedroom like a wraith in the night, and it wasn't long before she'd stolen not only my heart, but also my privacy and checking information. her name is Google, and she is the warm, nurturing mother of Blogger.com (and is thusly responsible for all you see here).

(oh sweet Google! how do i love thee! when i look into your soul, i see only myself. i mean, sure, lots of major corporation are sociopaths -- but you're the only one with obsessive-compulsive tendencies that truly rival my own. thanks to you, nothing i ever read or write, or say or think, will ever be forgotten. i thank you, my future biographers thank you, the human civilization thanks you.)

(now, please, don't rat me out to the government.)