Q: How do you sell soul to a soulless people that sold their soul???

A: Oh, I'm sorry, the question here was actually supposed to be, "What is the worst album title since Pork Soda?"

(For the record, I'd have gone with Fear of a Bland Comeback.)

Q: LOLMURDER?

A: Everyone thinks their cat is smarter than everyone else's cat. But they're usually wrong. For instance, I had my cat, Jũniper, file my income tax returns, and now I'm under investigation by the IRS for trying to claim 30 kilos of nip as a business expense.

The only time a cat is actually as smart as you think it is is when it's possessed by Satan. Which is only like 10% of the time. Take Oscar, of Providence, RI's Steere House Nursing & Rehabilitation Center — please!

• Nursing home cat can sense death [Reuters]

When Oscar the Cat visits residents of the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in Providence, Rhode Island, the staff jumps into action -- Oscar can sense within hours when someone is about to die.

Raised at the nursing home since he was a kitten, Oscar often checks in on residents, but when he curls up for a visit, physicians and nursing home staff know it's time to call the family.

I wonder how those calls go.

NURSE: Hello, Mr. Johnson? We have some bad news about your father.

MR. JOHNSON: He's sexually harassing the staff again?

NURSE: No. Well, yes. But also the cat says he's going to die.

MR. JOHNSON: Oh God no. NO. WHY OSCAR WHY!?

NURSE: I'm very sorry to have to be the one to tell you what the cat says. Anyway, we might as well turn off his oxygen machine now.

MR. JOHNSON: THAT DARNED CAT!

Dr. Joan Teno, whose colleague at Brown interviewed Oscar wrote about Oscar in the Weekly World News New England Journal of Medicine, claims there is probably a non-Satan related explanation for all this:

"I don't think this is a psychic cat," said Teno. "I think there's probably a biochemical explanation," she said in a telephone interview.

While pets are often used to bring comfort to the elderly in nursing home settings, Oscar's talent is special, though not unexpected.

"That is such a cat thing to do," said Thomas Graves, a feline expert and chief of small animal medicine at the University of Illinois College of Veterinary Medicine.

That is such a chief of small animal medicine at the University of Illinois College of Veterinary Medicine thing to say.

All this just goes to show how unfair the world is. When 25 people die shortly after Oscar goes to visit them, he gets a fawning write-up in the New England Journal of Medicine. When the same thing happens to me, I get a bunch of detectives with warrants chasing me around asking invasive personal questions about my collection of rare anthrax strains.

That darned cat.

EARLIER: I can has musical theater.

Q: What's the matter with kids today, with their hippety hoppity and their love for George W. Bush?

A: These young people today, I tell you! They don't know the value of a dollar. Or anyway, they don't know the plummeting value of the American dollar. Or how things are going in Iraq. Or, like, how to read.

How else can you explain this New York Times poll claiming twentysomethings are more supportive of Bush and the war than any other age group? [via Ross]

Forty-eight percent of Americans 18 to 29 years old said the United States did the right thing in taking military action against Iraq, while 45 percent said the United States should have stayed out. That is in sharp contrast to the opinions of those 65 and older, who have lived through many other wars...

Overall, 34 percent of Americans said they approved of the way the president was handling his job, and 58 percent disapproved. But younger Americans were more approving than older Americans. Forty percent of 18-29 year olds said Mr. Bush was doing a good job, while 56 percent said he was not.

Hipster irony has finally gone too far! LAY OFF THE WEED, PEOPLE. Don't make me side with the crotchety old folks here!

More than one person who lived through the Vietnam war mentioned the draft and the absence of one for this war. "It's because of life experience," said Jimmie Powell, 73, a bartender and factory worker from El Reno, Oklahoma. "I don't think younger people really know a whole lot about anything. They don't care because there is no draft. If there were a draft, we'd finally have the revolution we need."

Yeah! Damn you no-nothing kids, with your respect for authority and your placing trust in the establishment and your rap music! Back in the good old days, the Weather Underground would've burned Washington to the ground by now.

RELATED: No, really, what the fuck is going on here?

Q: How am I celebrating being named Time's "Person of the Year"?

A: Same way as grandma here. Hookers and blow.

Time's Person of the Year is MEEEEEE. And some old bag. [Time]

The blogging community is probably going to criticize Time for this decision. But then, the blogging community probably hasn't seen this lady knit.

Still, I can't help but feel like the success is going to her head.