Q: Could you do me, like, a three-second favor?

A: Sure you can, 'cuz you're My Bestest Friend Ever!

See, Gawker is hosting a T-shirt slogan contest, where the winner is chosen by Digg-style reader vote. My submission is currently sitting in the number-three spot (with +107 votes) -- but with a little Daley-esque voter fraud from the T.A.M.S.Y. community, I'm confident¹ we can ride that beyotch to the top of the pops.

DO THIS: (1) Click on "top-rated." (2) Vote for I adopted a third-world baby and all I got was this lousy third-world baby. And you're done!

For extra credit, feel free to vote for my other entry, Ironic Detachment Is The New Giving A Shit. Plus, you know, vote down all other worthy competitors with extreme prejudice. And then repeat the process from every workstation in the building, and all other buildings in the metropolitan area. Thanks!!!!!

POSTSCRIPT: Yeah, I know this is an extremely lame excuse for "daily content," but I've been distracted with the job hunting. I promise you at least three Surprising Answers^TM tomorrow.

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¹ Okay, I'm actually not confident at all, given my last attempt at voter fraud. Which reminds me, I hate everyone but five of you.

Q: Why am I weeping hysterically?

A: Because you have not yet placed your...

Vote for The Answer May Surprise You

I hate you all. Except for Jordan, who is a true American hero.

Will you accept a bribe? Because I have plenty more obscure but delightful music for you.

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Stephen Brodsky's Octave Museum - Kid Defender [mp3]
Stephen Brodsky's Octave Museum, 2006

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You may remember Brodsky from the song "Prove Yourself," which I posted back in October. The whole album is just so frickin' good, I couldn't resist plugging it again.

Of all the artists getting shafted in the year-end best-of lists, the robbery of the Octave Museum may well be the highwayiest. And I'm not just saying that because I suspect Brodsky is secretly a Simakis...

Stephen Brodsky: Is the new Dimitri?

Anyway, what are you, a Communist? Get voting.

Q: What are you doing right this minute?

A: Nothing! Nothing important! With that in mind, I urge you to run not walk to The Best Stuff in the World and vote for T.A.M.S.Y.!

The Best Stuff in the World, by the way, is the totally awesomeest way to waste time I've ever seen in my whole life, and I've seen a lot of wasted time. It's sort of like its Web 2.0 brethren digg or del.icio.us or YouTube, except instead of aggregating your favorite articles or Web sites or amateur guitar videos, it aggregates everything in existence -- like, for instance, these things...


-- and then lets you vote for those things as "the best" in any category that you can find and/or think of. Like, for instance, these things:

• The Best Director.
• The Best People to Have Crushes On (vote for Starbucks Baristas, obvs).
• The Best Beatles Song
• The Best Breasts.
• The Best Web 2.0 Site.
• The Best Moustache (vote for Mario, obvs).

Don't see a candidate you like? Add him or her or it yourself, along with some hot stolen borrowed pictures and a description! And then nominate it for more categories, including some you just invented! And then try to explain to me why no one knows about this!? It's like Wikipedia's hotter but slightly retarded younger sister!!! BEST THING EVER!!!!

So anyways. Last night, I noticed that the Best Blog category was looking a little anemic, so I racked my brain to think of a good candidate and then realized, Oh, right, MINE. And then I noticed there were some other categories that seemed logical choices, like "The Best Site For Answers," and "The Best Humorous Blog," and "The Best Thing To Do After Sex." And then I voted the shit out of them.

The problem is that I just checked my tally and it now looks like this.


Oh God, the embarassment. The shame. The weeping and gnashing of teeth. It's bad enough to spend 10 minutes voting for yourself in a popularity contest no one's heard of without some jerkoff negative-voting for you a few hours later. UPDATE: There's no such thing as negative voting. I had accidentally canceled my own vote. So I'm the only jerkoff here. Yay!

The good news is that I'm still only two votes behind Gawker. So please, readers, let your voices be heard! So that my voice can be heard of! By 20 people in Australia!