Q: How do you say "damned lies" in Arabic?

A: From yesterday's Morning Edition, NPR's Guy Raz illustrates that statistics are BS, especially in Iraq and especially especially when the Pentagon's involved. Case in point:

Sometime around February 2004, a top military official in Iraq estimated that there were about 15,000 total insurgents. About a year later, U.S. military leaders in Iraq announced that 15,000 insurgents had been killed or captured in the previous year.

In private, a skeptical military adviser pointed out to commanders that the numbers didn't make sense. "If all the insurgents were killed," he asked, "why are they fighting harder than ever?"

Hey, good question.

Karen DeYoung, in the Washington Post, came to the same conclusion: The Pentagon manipulates numbers. DeYoung's been on this beat for a while.

The Pentagon lying isn't exactly news, no matter what year it is, but under the Bush administration, these lies are intended as more than just a means of boosting American morale — they're the casus belli. More on this later.

RELATED: NPR's Day to Day talks to Karen DeYoung

Q: What's going on in Darfur?

A: Good Magazine provides the Cliffs Notes version.

Q: War! HUH! Good God, y'all! What is it good for?

A: Absolutely nothin'! More terror, more violence, more human misery.

Of course, we already knew that — but this political cartoon, by Greece's Michael Kountouris, gives me chills anyway.

[Oct. 17, 2006; via definitive pol'toon aggregator Cagle Cartoons]

Proving once again that, when it comes to artful portrayals of the absurdities of war, you just can't beat the Greeks.

---

RELATED: God Punishes France With Global Warming, Giant Hornets [Wonkette]. And check out the HILARIOUS, HILARIOUS PUN in the comments. I have no life.

Q: How tall is Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad?

A: Five foot four¹! Who knew? Well, probably a lot of people knew, but I just found out.

How did I find out, you ask? The answer... MAY SURPRISE YOU.

---

D.C. blog Wonkette is reporting that Israeli newspaper Haaretz is reporting that Iranian pro-gov't news agencies are reporting² Iranian Revolutionary Guard top dog Nur Ali Shushkari's claims that a sneaky submarine commando unit etched the military force's logo (see: right) onto the side of an American warship stationed in the Persian Gulf.

Those. Bastards. Skateboarding may not be a crime (or so I hear), but graffiti? Now that's just taking it too far. How dare they risk their lives and their submarine for such a rude prank!

It's infuriating! It's hackles-raising! It's... a really weird plan that I don't understand even a little! Which is extra infuriating! And the worst part is, we just had that warship washed!

(By the way, what kind of national guard calls itself "Revolutionary"? Isn't the point of a national guard to crush down revolutionaries? And smack around hippies? I'm so confused, I need another nap.)

Anyway. For some reason, no one seems to be reporting what the Revolutionary Guard painted on the other side of the warship. I warn you, before you look down one quarter of an inch, it is very unsettling.


I would respond, but my hackles can't even reach that high.

EARLIER: How tall is Nancy Pelosi?

---

¹ As reported by Brian Williams, or his producer or somebody who had a tape measure or whatever.
² Iranian pro-gov't news agencies not available via Google News. I mean, probably not, anyway. It's not like I checked or anything.

Q: Will we ever be able to make peace with Iran and the Arab World?

A: No. It's a hopeless cause. We're different cultures with different philosophies, torn apart by centuries of conflict and hatred. Axis of Evil, etc. There is no possible way we could ever become allies with these, our most bitter and dangerous enemies. Diplomacy is meaningless. The apocalypse is guaranteed. Duck and cover.

---

Oh, by the way, Russia is opening up ten Starbucks this summer. Totally unrelated. I don't even know why I'm mentioning it.

Welcome to Moscow Starbucks: Your barista today is Nikita.

Q: Why did the overextended Sunni cancel his peace talks?

A: