Q: Correction of the year, 2007?

A: I recently discovered the excellent blog Regret the Error, which compiles the most notable, entertaining and/or embarrassing corrections from international media.

It's become an annual tradition at RtE to compile the best of the best errors and corrections at the end of the year. Granted, it's only January, but this gaffe from the Washington Post should probably be considered the horse to beat.
Kudos to Wonkette -- no slouch themselves when it comes to showcasing media absurdity -- for scooping RtE on that one.

RELATED: Regret the Error and Wonkette are both among the nominees for the 2007 Bloggies, now in its seventh year. RtE is up against the aforementioned Drawn! for Best Canadian Weblog; Wonkette is going for its third straight Best Weblog About Politics.

Q: Shalt thou not whack it in thine hotel room?

I posted yesterday about the irony of prostitution being illegal, and pornography being just fine.

The Campaign for Corporate Responsibility, though, would like you to know that, even if making porn isn't a crime, watching it will probably lead to your being sent to prison anyway. Why? Duh, because you'll be turned into a maniac rapist, or something. Don't say T.A.M.S.Y. didn't warn you!!!

Christ: Totally found your stash.

Yes, oddly enough, the Jesus-lovin' C.f.C.R. is not so much about campaigning for corporate responsibility as it is campaigning against perhaps THE GREATEST THREAT FACING OUR SOCIETY.

No, not Chronic Candy. Think even THREATENINGER. That's right: hotel-room porn!

From the .pdf of the Campaign's full-page ad in USA Today: "If what begins with a click can end as a registered sex offense, it's time we rethink hardcore porn."

Dude, I've been rethinking hardcore porn all night -- thinking it and rethinking it, over and over again, on an almost constant loop -- and I still have no idea what the fuck they're talking about.

Still, you have to give these folks some credit: If you're trying to reach out to people masturbating in hotel rooms, it's pretty crafty to place your ad in the newspaper that nine of of ten hotel-room masturbators are masturbating onto.

More on how pay-per-view porn is turning you into a rapist, after the jump.

Again, from the USA Today ad (see: right):

"It is a known fact that registered sex offenders use adult hardcore pornography as a high-octane fuel to direct dangerous sexual behavior toward others, including children."

Is this really "a known fact"? Or just "an incomprehensible mixed metaphor"?

Also, why is "adult" italicized? Are they saying that barely legal hardcore pornography is totally fine? Because in that case, this campaign is totally awesome and I support it fully.

"For more than 23 years Roger Young investigated obscenity cases as an FBI agent and trained prosecutors in the enforcement of federal obscenity laws. He states that, 'in the majority of cases where sexual predators were arrested, pornography was associated with the commission of the crime and/or found to be in the possession of the offender.'"

Let's break that down a little: An FBI agent who devoted his career to nailing people who produce or possess obscene material says that, of the rapists he caught while investigating people that produce or possess obscene material, the majority were found to be -- get ready for me to BLOW YOUR FUCKING MIND -- producing or possessing obscene material!

In a related development, a homicide detective in Sarasota, Fla. has announced that, of the murderers he has arrested, the majority of them have lived or visited Sarasota, Fla. The only logical conclusion is that Sarasota turns people into murderers.

---

BREAKING NEWS: Hustler publisher Larry Flynt just released a statement defending himself and members of his industry against fundamentalist Christian attacks.

"Blessed are those," says Flynt, "who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven."

Hold on, excuse me -- that wasn't Larry Flynt. That was ... let me check my notes ... ah, right, MR. JESUS H. CHRIST, from a little book I like to call THE BIBLE.

OH SNAP!

ANYWAY: Back to the un-Christian Christians' Campaign...

Dr. Mary Anne Layden of the University of Pennsylvania Health System reports: "I have not treated a single case of sexual violence that did not involve pornography.

Dr. William Marshall of Ottawa, Canada has treated imprisoned sex offenders. He found that 86% of serial rapists studied admitted to consumption of hardcore porn, with 57% admitting imitation of actual scenes from the material in the commission of their crimes.

Hold the phone -- you're telling me that men with a disturbed sex obsession are generally among the majority who consume sexually oriented material??? Dr. Layden and Dr. Marshall, you just blew my fucking mind again, twice.

RELATEDLY MIND-BLOWING STATISTICS!!!

• 86% of convicted arsonists admit to a fascination with fire;
• 92% of medical malpractice suits involve doctors that have used a stethoscope;
• 78% of cop killers are found to have had previous problems with authority figures;
• 92% of child molesters reveal that they enjoy music;
• 79% of women convicted of fraud have also faked an orgasm;
• 48% of people who have met Suge Knight have been murdered by Suge Knight;
• 57% of non-rapists admitted imitating actual scenes from hardcore porn while not raping their girlfriends;
• 87% of people involved in the Campaign for Corporate Responsibility really need to get laid pronto;
• 99% of rapists have a penis and as many as two testicles;
• 100% of people who have actually ordered "hardcore" hotel-room porn report being utterly disappointed by the shittiness of hotel-room porn; with 88% noting that "if this is hardcore porn, where's the fricking penetration?"; 76% not understanding "why all of the precious, precious cumshots were edited out"; 54% realizing they "could have gotten the same bullshit for free on Cinemax"; 41% simply shouting, "what the fuck?!?"; and 32% eventually jerking off to a rerun of Gilmour Girls.

Actually, the more that I think about it, the more that I support this Campaign for Corporate Responsibility movement. They may have their heart in the wrong place (i.e., up their ass), but if their end goal mostly involves saving our nation's lonely businessmen from terrible, overpriced porn, that kind of just makes them heroes.

After all, why blow your wad on a one-night nudey stand when, for around the same price, you can get Playboy or Penthouse delivered all year round?

Read more on the anti-porn idiocy on the original Pandagon link [via Wonkette].

Q: Have you seen Google Trends?

NOTE: If you're looking for Alice, the Snorg Tees model girl, you can find more content using the search function in my sidebar (see: right).

A: Probably not, unless I've already forced it on you via IM.

Google Trends provides a glimpse into what has captured, or lost, the world's attention the past two years. The tool allows users to trace the popularity of any given search topic over time, and to compare those trends to trends in media coverage, and to those of other topics. For example...

VIA GOOGLE TRENDS: The war in Iraq, Brangelina vs TomKat, or LeBron James vs Steve Nash.

Sounds boring? WRONG. It's seventy milllion hours worth of fun. Or maybe I'm a huge nerd.

---

• MUY CALIENTE: Me.
• MUCHO CALIENTE: You.
  
• LOSING CALIENTE?: The recent past.
• STILL HIDEOUS: The nineties.
  
• BETTER THAN A PUBLICIST: Making a baby.
• WORSE THAN A PUBLICIST: Being a parent.
• BETTER THAN BABIES: Going completely insane.
• BETTER THAN INSANITY: Wardrobe malfunctions. (a.k.a, Justin's shining moment).

---

Note that Google Trends is still in prototype mode. It's one of the latest additions to Google Labs (where my favoritest company ever tests out their mind-blowing new products).

But even in prototype mode, it's my Internet compulsion du jour -- in the grand tradition of Friendster (2003-04), Pandora (Dec. 2005), Wonkette (Sept. - Nov. 2004), Last.fm (last month), Leigh Householder (summer '04, until she turned out to be married), the online version of Chuck Woolery's Lingo (last week), my crippling gambling addiction (it's all a blur), and the adorably cross-eyed Snorg model (now and forever).

In case you hadn't noticed. More unsolicited trends to come.

Who's a misogynist now, beyotch?

Kristiana H., right

Kristiana H., a dim, racist Texan who I recently had the pleasure of hosting, has called me out on her blog as a "misogynist loser."

She made this judgment on the basis of my having spoken out against women -- namely a woman, namely her, namely when I kicked her drunken ass out of my apartment at 1AM on Saturday.

In any event, I'd like to state publicly that, while I am indisputably a HUGE loser, I am not a misogynist. Even if I did hate women, it would only be exactly as much as I hate men -- but the thing is, I TOTALLY LOVE women. They're such babes!

And when it comes to females I love, the woman who really wears the pants in my heart is the amazingly hottt Snorg Tees girl who always shows up in MySpace ads (see: amazingly hottt girl pictured at right).

Oh Snorg girls! Who in their right mind could deny suffrage to YOU!?

Anyway, to Kristiana H. (who, incidentally, graduates from Columbia j-school today): I don't know if you read my blog, but if so, hopefully I've set the record straight. If not, please let me know, and I will continue (a) recommending Wonkette and (b) posting photos of amazing hotties whom I respect for both their bodies and their hair.

RELATED ANSWERS THAT MAY SURPRISE YOU:

• Which countries currently have a female head of state? [Ask Yahoo!]
• Dustee vs. Stormie: Who is the hottest hottie in gov't? [Wonkette]
• Condi Rice's playlist drops it like it's hot. [SDM]
  
• Is everyone who models for Snorg amazingly hot? [Snorg]
  

Mr. Colbert Went to Washington...plus bonus Hillary-larity!

Call me blasé, but I don't get what got America in such a shütfüt over Stephen Colbert's W.-whacking speech last week. I mean, sure, it was funny -- I'm a sucker for Justice Scalia humor -- but mind-blowing? Infuriating? Culture-dominating? Really? The show's on nightly, folks.

Put it this way: If your invitation to the 2006 correspondents' dinner notes that that the appetizer is fois de gras and the closing speaker is Colbert, isn't it fair to assume that the evening could mayhaps involve (a) the deliciously engorged liver of a tortured bird and (b) some feisty ribbing at the president's expense?

And you people call yourselves the press? Mitch Albom could've covered this thing weeks ago, obvs¹.

All you needed to know:

1. The correspondents' dinner is an event held annually to provide (a) an extravagant meal for wealthy, famous people, on the taxpayers' dime, and (2) an opportunity for politicians and members of the media to make fun of one another, also on the taxpayers' dime. That's the whole point. And if you didn't know that, don't worry, you've already been billed.
2. The Bush camp has been pumping out ripe comedy material at an unprecendented rate for more than five years -- its crowning achievement in Kafkaesque hilarity having come mere months ago when, amidst burgeoning criticism of the administration's dangerously aggressive agenda, the Vice President shot an old man in the face.
   
3. Colbert is a comedian who amassed a following by flogging the bejeezus out of taboos (see: Strangers with Candy)...and, oh yeah, he's also the host of a popular daily comedy show based entirely around biting satire of Bush and the right.

1 + 2 + 3 = ? Do the math, people (answer: six). You don't invite Colbert to speak at the White House and then expect him to play nice. That'd be like asking Larry the Cable Guy to speak at an NAACP convention and then expecting him not to be a shitty comedian whose movie sucked.

It's like the old saying goes, you can take the girl out of the honky tonk, but you can't take the Bush jokes out of the guy who makes millions of dollars on Bush jokes. Maybe Karl Rove really is distracted². I mean, it doesn't take a genius to figure this stuff out...

...or...does it...?³

In any event, Colbert's performance is certainly worth tracking down, if you haven't already. But recommended even more highly is The Colbert Report itself (Mon.-Thu., 11:30pm, Comedy Central). The Report's humor is much sharper and more layered than the speech's hit-or-miss (mostly hit) one-liners.

Other notes:

• "Balls-alicious." -- Jon Stewart on Colbert's performance. He also describes the press dinner as "where the President and the press corps consummate their loveless marriage."
• Much, much more shocking than Stephen Colbert being funny: HILLARY CLINTON BEING HILARIOUS kind of amusing. Presented by Clinton at a state dinner this weekend, this Colbert-esque clip also features an appearance by Mayor Mike Bloomburg, who boldly crosses party lines to endorse the Democratic Senator...trades compliments with his fellow centrist...implies that he carries $200 million in his wallet. [NYDN, via Gothamist⁴]
• RELATED: Al Gore's Clinton complex: Have I mentioned I should be president right now? Dream Democratic primary: Gore/Kerry vs. Clinton/Dukakis. Did I say dream? I meant "night terror." Hurray for beating the Republicans by default! [WSJ, via Wonk]
  
• David Blaine is going to die on live television! Right now (ABC)!!! DON'T MISS IT!!!!!

¹: New York state blogging laws require regularly slang-checking Detroit resident Mark Graham.
²: By his future as a pretty boy in federal prison, obvs.
³: Just to be safe, you better read my blog daily. And buy all of my products.
⁴: Also shocking: Gothamist's Jen Chung posting two noteworthy entries in one 24-hour period.

Bush: "I'm a sinner"

Andrew Sullivan: As time runs out, a kinder, gentler Bush emerges [Times UK]

I already linked to this piece on my Google Reader, but I wanted to highlight this nifty excerpt:

In the 2000 election cycle a former aide, Doug Wead, secretly taped chats with Bush. On one occasion Bush was told he had to criticise gays as a way to curry favour with evangelicals. He retorted: “I’m not going to kick gays, because I’m a sinner. How can I differentiate sin?”

He may be a terrible president (and possibly the worst president ever), but I don't know that George W. Bush is a bad dude, per se. Like a lot of modern Christians, he's just following the lead of misguided people -- not to mention garbled dogma that has little in common with anything Christ taught.

That's why, throughout history, holy wars haven't been good for much beyond getting a lot of innocent people slaughtered. So when I'm nuked by terrorists, please link to this post on my MySpace obituary.

On a related note, Sullivan's Daily Dish is required reading for political nerds (and my second favorite blog, after the dopier, funnier Wonkette).

Cheney is on the loose

[craigslist, via Wonkette]

7 trendy new jobs

7 trendy new jobs - Apr. 21, 2006 [CNN Money, via Wonkette]

The Nation: "Virginity or Death!"

"Giving the HPV vaccine to young women could be potentially harmful, because they may see it as a license to engage in premarital sex."
-- Bridget Maher of the Family Research Council

please shoot me. no, wait, please shoot Bridget Maher.

Virginity or Death! [The Nation, via Wonkette]

and just to be, you know, fair and balanced, here's a reminder that liberals, also, can be raging jackasses: Tot's Hat Triggers Park Slope Spat On Gender Politics. albeit ultimately harmless jackasses. [New York Magazine, via Gothamist]

Wonkette: "Live Starving Villagers Waiting to Talk To You!"

Live Starving Villagers Waiting to Talk To You! - Wonkette